This little piggy lost his modeling contract

Well my audition as an international foot model has now been ruined… I'm gutted as it could have been my chance to hit the big time …thanks Chemo my little piggies are missing out on fame and fortune!

So I’m back to having feet issues due to the side effects of the chemo drugs…. Thankfully this time we have gotten on top of it before it starts to cause me pain walking like last time. This time I only have red soles of my feet, some nerve damage and peeling skin. This however has meant  that this week I have had to stop taking my at home chemo pills to help ease the redness and nerve damage… thankfully its working.

Apparently I’m on quite a high dose of chemo so the stopping for a couple of days isn’t going to make any difference (except make things more pleasant). It also sounds like they are going to reduce the overall IV dosage at the next round as well which will help decrease the side effects I get during zombie chemo week.

This incidentally leads me onto the cool news…. I only have 3 more round to go!!!!  I am now over half way!!!!! Something I’m so stoked to be at… Im nearly done!
Its been a funny couple of weeks since my last post, nothing exciting happening, just adapting to life with tubing sticking out of your arm….. but its helped so much with not having pain when I get the IV chemo.

Here are my top 5 things I’ve learnt about getting a PICC line…… (in on particular order)

1.      Trying to hook the PICC line up to a can of V or other such drink (i.e coffee) is pretty much impossible L

2.      Not being able to get the PICC line site wet is a pain in the arse…. I was feeling dirty after day 1… there will be a 4 hour shower the day I can finally get in the shower without it!!!

3.      Not being able to get the line wet opens you up to many dilemmas…. How do you effectively wrap it being my biggest….. being in my right arm it means I’m totally unco, so until recently I needed my loving other half to wrap me up in gladwrap!

4.      Under no circumstances should duct tape ever be used to secure a plastic bread bag onto your arm…. It sounds like a great idea, untiil you have to try and remove it… yet again, at the mercy of my loving other half and a pair of scissors!!!

5.      When trying to explain what a PICC line is to a pharmacy assistant (when looking for appropriate waterproof arm covers, and having her point out that “you don’t have a cast on”) don’t use the description of “its where my IV drugs get hooked up to so I don’t have to have needles all the time” as apparently you look like a professional meth head!!!! Should have elaborated more I guess! I was in the Hutt!

On that note…. Me and my tubes are going to head for the night,

Stay tuned…….

RAG x x x

PICC me!

Tomorrow I get a PICC line put in…… I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a tad nervous…… so I have to keep reminding myself that it’s a common procedure.

A PICC line (Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter) is a form of intravenous access that can be used for a prolonged period of time (basically that means that it gets inserted into my arm and can stay there for the rest of my treatment).

In layman’s terms: I’m getting a tube inserted into my arm (a big vein) so that they can give me my Chemo IV drugs directly through that (and into a larger volume of blood by the heart) rather than having to repeatedly put a cannula in a vein each time. It also means they can take blood from it so I don’t have to keep getting stabbed with needles and having reactions to the sticking tape they put over after the test (hmmm not sure what I was more upset about last time… the layer of skin that came off my arm onto the tape or the fact the layer of skin was very close to my tattoo …. Hey I don’t want my ink ruined by some stupid take… priorities  people!!)

The main reason why I’m getting one is that currently the drug that’s being given to me  via the IV is ‘burning’ my veins, which is causing unwanted (not that anyone actually wants pain) pain in my hand/ wrist and arm.  It is also hoped that by putting the drug through a bigger vein and into a larger volume of blood I may not get so many direct side effects.

So  guess I’ve filled you in with as much info as I know at this stage…. I’ll update this when I get the chance…. Hmmm since I will have a direct line in, I wonder if I can hook it up to a drink of choice… coffee/ coke/ icecream soda (my vice at the moment)/ chai tea via IV… hmmmm I’m going to have to work on this…..

Right.. until next time, I had better go... its date night tonight.... I had better go and  start making myself look respectable.... or I could just procrastinate in the sun with the cat for another hour or so...... mmmmmm choices...

Until next time,
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.... then again don't do anything I would....

RAG x x x x

Check out the size of those……

One of the many things cancer has taught me is that nothing is ever actually what it seems, I mean there are a lot of ‘perfectly healthy/ normal’ looking people wandering around that are actually really sick (they may or may not actually know this) and that sometimes people may be complaining and moaning about the most simplest things because there is actually something else going on for them….  Of the many things cancer makes you, the two that stand out best for me are; being a great actor and a great purveyor of not putting up with other people’s bullshit (firstly we have enough of our own to deal with and secondly… seriously who has time for drama).

Today’s post comes from something I’m totally guilty of doing (so this isn’t a point the waggy finger at anyone/ aimed at anyone directly post).

“wow you look so good”, “you’re looking really well”, “OMG you look fantastic”  aghhhhhhhh! Yep I might look “great” from the outside some days – but am seriously trying really hard not to puke (or do worse) on your shoes/ in your rubbish bin/ handbag/ generally anything within arms reach… you have been warned!, and some days I look and feel great so its ok, and then there are “those days” yep, I have no illusions I look and feel like shit…… but somehow people seem to think I look great….. I guess it’s because I still have hair, I don’t look like I’m dying (isn’t that the look most people on chemo have when you see them on TV/ movies etc), and I’m not a skeleton (mind you I would happily trade a few kgs if I could …. Don’t tell my Oncologist!!).

So why does this annoy me…. Aren’t we taught to accept compliments? Compliments are good aren’t they???
Well I guess for me, it makes me feel a bit of a fake, and it makes it hard for me to tell people that I’m not Ok all the time.  Fake it till you make it eh….. some times this is what gets me out of bed…. I feel sometimes I’m constantly faking it… seriously I really should get a job on shorty street.

As I said I’m guilty of doing this all the time also, you know some ones sick or been sick, what’s the first thing out of my mouth, “you’re looking really good” *smack hand into forehead, I’ve done it myself!

I guess you can compare it to seeing a heavily pregnant woman you know, the first things out of your mouth, just generally seem to be a verbal  outburst of (in a complimentary kind of way)….. “wow, your Boobs have gotten massive” or “you’re growing well”, “you can hardly tell you’re pregnant, until you stand sideways”, I seriously really don’t know how the hormones racing through their bodies can actually stop them from punching you in the face!  I hereby formally apologise to all my friends whom over their pregnancies have heard me say one or possibly all of above comments! (*please don’t punch my pretty face!)

Its human nature to make comment (in our heads it’s a way of making others feel better, and ourselves if we really don’t know how to react), and to be positive. Last year I found a really good article, it sums this post up pretty well I think.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/health/10415859/Never-treat-a-patient-as-if-they-are-dying

So as I end this post, my final words are the following, I’m Ok with you saying I look good etc, but please, in all seriousness… If I’m looking like shit (and to be honest I do quite often), please tell me… I promise not to punch you in the face!

Until next time,
Take care and look fantastic

RAG x x x x