Cancer free

Well today is a big day...  firstly its the day before my reversal (see ya Judith!), I had a meeting with my oncologist (the one in charge of the Chemo side), and its the day that Radioactive girl gets de-masked... yep the time has come to go out of my comfort zone and put on my big girl panties.

So... Hello... my name is Kathy Sullivan (Kat for short)... I am RAG.



2013, pre diagnosis....

My reason for introducing myself is because it occurred to me that I know a lot of people find talking about "bum cancer" and other such related issues somewhat embarrassing and unpleasant... its not a cancer that gets a lot of publicity... I'm hoping by identifying myself I can help shed some of the 'secrecy' that surrounds this cancer. I don't want people to think that I'm hiding myself because I'm embarrassed. I'm not. As I identified in an earlier blog, my reason for staying quiet is more around my comfort level around how others will react and others views on treatment. I feel a lot stronger now and comfortable in my own skin.

Anyway todays post is able about updating you on my meeting with the oncologist today...
The good news is that at this point in time I am cancer free, the surgery resulted in a successful removal of the tumour and in the 18 nodes removed, not one of them had cancer cells in them.
Cancer free!

So what next... well, the next step in this journey  (after my reversal tomorrow) is to start another round of Chemotherapy treatment. This adjuvant round of chemo is used as a preventative measure "kill it with fire", with the aim of decreasing the chances of any "lurking" cells showing their face in the next few years.  I will start my chemo in 4 weeks!  
I know that another round of chemo is not everyone's idea of catching a break, but to be honest I'm rather glad they have prescribed this as part of my plan... its going to give me the best chances, and in the end that's what matters...  being and staying cancer free... has a ring to it doesn't it!!!

My other news for the day is that Judith now has a lifespan of less than 24 hours!!! due to a few complications that have developed over the last few weeks I'm really hanging out for her to get evicted... mind you I'm starting to get nervous... this time tomorrow night I'll be bag free!!!!  so many things that I have missed since getting my ileostomy... sleeping on my stomach, rolling overfreely, sleeping all night, farting (*snigger*... yes I'm hanging out for a good fart... its weird not being able to!), and being able to eat fruits and veggies without worrying about them causing a blockage! Oh the little things in life!

I'm not sure how much I'll be able to update my blog whilst in hospital... I'll try... so keep checking in....

so until next time....
take care,

RAG x x x

All it takes is all you got

All it takes is all you got.... says it all really.... wise words.

Throughout this blog I have often talked about some of the truly amazing friends that have supported both myself and my family throughout my journey so far. The title of todays post is the name of the blog by one such friend.
I felt that her latest post sums up a lot of what I've discovered over the pat few month...  getting a different perspective as to how life ticks on gives you a whole new appreciation for the little things, and no matter what happens and what plan you end up on (Plan A, B, C...) you need to keep going... giving up is not an option.

http://www.iridelikeagirltrytokeepup.blogspot.co.nz/2015/01/the-other-side-of-fence.html


                                  

I've realised it would be very easy to sit back and give up, spend all day in bed, and sit round waiting for the pity train... I have had many people ask me why I still work and get out and do stuff when I could be at home "resting" and "having cancer".  I could, but that would mean I wasn't 'winning' (Like hell I am letting cancer win anything), by working and getting out and doing stuff (abet a lot less than I would like to be doing, and I have had to learn to listen to my body and just go with the flow - wise words told to me by my coach along time ago - see I listened!) I feel I have some control in my life. I would love to have full control, and that will come (along with the energy, and physical strength)...  but until then I will do what I need to do to keep moving forward (example of this was me walking home from dropping the car off at the garage the other day... its only about 1.5kn from home, but it was hot and there is a hill. Now I could have called my other half to pick me up, but I broke it down, lamp post to lamp post.... I was not going to stop... Ok I'm rather stubborn and didn't want the neighbours seeing me stopping! I made it.. slowly but I made it, with NO stops!!!).
 Its all about small steps... forward.

As I'm about to sign off, I'll make note that I'm now only 4 sleeps to my next major "moving forward" moment.... my ileostomy reversal.....  moving forward!!!

keep moving forward people...

RAG x x x

Nudie pics

Today I posted a naked selfie of myself on Facebook....  shocked????
Well... it didn't show my face (isn't that how "all the young kids" do it???) .... and technically it actually really wasn't of me... it was of Judith.

When I first got my stoma I joined several closed groups on Facebook about Ileostomy's, and stomas, they have been my lifeline at times in terms of having others to chat with and to share and gain info, plus have the odd inappropriate joke out our "outside butt holes".

I never actually thought I would ever post a pick of Judith naked, but the other night I saw a woman's post on there asking if her stoma looked "normal", and she posted a picture of a very healthy and "cute" looking stoma. I had planned on posting pin up girl Judith on her thread to show her Judith's wonky side..... however between me doing a bag change and taking a photo someone from the closed group placed a complaint with FB stating it was offensive (ummm its a closed group for people with stomas... you would think they would know what one looked like!!).
So in protest of this person, a lot of group members "got their gear off" and group posted photos... yep, I'm a sucker for peer pressure (or maybe I just wanted an excuse to "get my gear off" and take a photo).

I guess the point of todays post is that as much as people find things related to bums, poos and all sorts of stomach stuff embarrassing and unappealing, I'm actually grateful to have my stoma (short lived it may be... Judith has now been served with a formal eviction notice of January the 21st!!!)... my stoma is a sign that my surgery was successful... meaning that my cancer was removed!

Now, I'm actually in a dilemma  at the moment.... to post said "nudie" shot on here or not to... as this is an open blog and I do realise seeing someone's small intestine sticking out of a belly is not quite everyone's cup of tea, I've decided to not post a pic. I will however if you want to know more or talk in further details about my stoma or stomas in general, or answer any questions you know how to get hold of me.

So until next time... be proud of what you have, and who you are.. get your gear off if needed, don't hide your flaws and scars...they make you who you are.

RAG x x x

Shits and giggles....

Its been a while since I've genuinely had a good laugh on here at either myself, my current situation, or at the expense of some poor health care professional who has unfortunately got me on one of my "funny' days.... so here are some gems about having a stoma.

You know you have an Ostomy when...

...Someone tells a joke and your stoma "laughs" with you.
...Your purse just grew three sizes to accommodate your emergency supplies.
...Showering *fully* naked is exciting.
...The color, consistency, and detail of your poo is more interesting to you than most other topics.
...Your new "butthole" has a name. (mine is Judith) - FYI politicians are apparently popular choices for stoma names!
...You poo around company, visitors, during meetings, and meals etc.
...Pooing does not require clothing removal.
...You have more pooing supplies than a baby.
...You worry that the store employees think you are shoplifting something under your clothes because your bag is full.
...You drink a lot of fizzy just to see how quickly the bag will fill with gas. Then you can be your own floatation device/ children's party balloon animal.
...When someone says "Man, I gotta take a dump", you proudly say "I'M taking a dump RIGHT NOW!"
...You absent-mindedly feel the bottom of your bag to see if it needs emptying in front of strangers.
...That old insult "Your are full of shit" is demonstrably untrue.
.... you discover your stoma has a mind of its own and when starting to inflate like a balloon, can actually undo the zip in your pants!!!
....The noises your stoma makes can actually make you great money in the film industry as they can be used for the next alien movie.
... The sound of someone popping a 'Zap" or "Just Juice" carton gives you a very uneasy feeling!
... You and your other half have constant joking (with a somewhat serious undertone) about sleeping with a tarpaulin in the bed "just in case".
.... You giggle when you read online information sheets about stomas that state such things as..... do not use suppository's into your stoma, and "your stoma is not a sexual orifice"!
.... You talk with pharmacy staff about potential medications etc, and get greeted with a look of confusion.
... "oh shit" takes on a whole new meaning!
.... Your loving other half starts dicing with death (see above comment) when they decide to "superman" onto the bed when your in it!!!
....Coconut and pineapple becomes your mortal enemy.
... Your eating habits regress to becoming that of a picky/ fussy teenager again.
... Your Daughter becomes the food/ bag police.... with regular safety warnings of "don't pop your bag" and can you eat this???
.... clarification needs to be had when discussing exactly what type of bag your discussing.... confusions about colour and size can easily had if your not careful...  i.e (in reference to my new camera bag.. conversation had via txt)  Me: "the bags really orange... I really like it, it will stand out easily out in a crowd"
My other half: "what the hell have you been eating? was that last night curry???"

So with these gems  of wisdom shared.... Judith and I will enjoy the rest of our Friday....
take care peoples...

RAG x x x

Dear 2014... see ya! Part 2

Two days into 2015.... the sun is shining, life is good.

As I say goodbye to 2014, I think of all things that have happened over the year... its funny I find myself referring to "the year" as basically anything after July... pre then I don't really remember much..... Cancer has a way of taking over everything.

so much has happened in what now feels like a very short period of time... but now time is moving forward, like it or not.....

here we are 2015.... simply referred to as the year of the "comeback".

While I'm still slightly in limbo in terms of waiting for Judith to get evicted and waiting to find out what's happening regarding another round of Chemo, I am secretly plotting and planning a comeback of epic proportions... screw you cancer... I'm winning this....

Today I drew a line in the sand (literally)... we went to the beach today... the weather was stunning... so Judith was promptly made to don a swimsuit. Now this is something I've been secretly dreading, but knew I needed to do.
In my head all I could picture is Judith having a "meltdown" and doing something stupid, like filling with excessive gas (picture a inflated balloon sticking out of my stomach)... hmmm not the best look having a self inflating floatation device sticking out from my togs... how shall I handle this???
The  safety plan?.... whip it out and promptly start making balloon animals.. Judith has mastered the following shapes... a bag, a box jelly fish, a woopie coushion, and several types of animal (just draw appropriate eyes on her and stick the odd set of ears on, and she's good to go.. instant children's puppet show). Anyway with a "slight" plan of attack if things go wrong... out came the togs...

......Wait for it.... Judith actually decided to behave!!! and you actually couldn't see her!
so one step forward....  winning.

So with that step forward, I plan my next leap into 2015.... a real bike ride.....
stay tuned peoples.....

Happy 2015 
RAG x x x