"we like to call it the apricot donut....."

Its been a strange few days since my last post.
I've come to the blunt realisation that although I am only just starting this journey,  I'm further along the path than I thought I was. There is a strange acceptance that I guess you come to when you realise that you now no longer have any control of what is about to happen; your body, time and thoughts are preoccupied and taken over by this time wasting and body hungry mutant called cancer.
There is no real hiding from it, and as much as you try, its always there.

Now for those who know me, are fully aware that I hate not being in control, in fact I can't think of many things that I class as a fear, but not being in control is very high, if not at the top of my list.

Cancer I'm discovering takes control away from you.... you no longer have a choice about a lot of things... today for instant, I spent 3 hours getting yet another MRI scan (well actually 2 scans today, plus a half hour gap in the middle where I got to eat finally - Nill by Mouth sucks when you crave such things as lolly cake!), that's 3 hours I would have much rather been using to do something productive or fun, instead I spent most of it in a hospital gown (at least for this one I got to keep my jeans and skate shoes on.

Shoe selfie - at least the top matches my jeans!



 

Hospitals seem to like a Wizard of Oz theme of 'to get to where you need to go'... follow the "insert colour" line there.... I'm still living in hope to find the tin man or eventually the Wizard lurking around.... maybe one day!
So today journey started with me following the blue line.... I confess I was tempted to skip, but I'll save that for another day!

 

the blue line eventully stops, and I'm there... no scarecrow, or the lion, but instead there is a couple in their 60's sitting in the waiting room, I walk in and they both smile warmly at me. I sit down and start my wait, the lady gets taken away and I'm left there with her husband. after a few minutes of awkward silence we start making coded conversation.... general weather and random jokes about waiting etc... then I discovered there is a code.... initiated by the gentleman, I get 'sussed out'..... "parking was bad today, I couldn't get into the cancer society car park, and had to go to level 2" ... he looks at me, I smiled and its understood that I am privy to the 'code'....  the ice has been broken.

Talking with this gentleman was really humbling and enlightening, his wife has been fighting cancer for over 2 years. It was nice that we could both sit and talk shit, laugh, and know that despite being total strangers that we both had a hatred for this stupid thing called cancer, that had changed so much for them, and is in the process of changing so much for me.

Before long, it was my turn to do my best impersonation of a microwaved chicken.... so I swapped places with his wife, and headed in......  after asking if I could take a cheeky photo to keep you all enlightened to each step of my process, I was quickly informed "yep, we like to call it our apricot donut" hmmm it does have a very interesting colour scheme, and on some angles it looks rather dodge... I'll let you make your own judgement.

Being recognised by the radiographer, indicates I'm becoming a frequent flyer.... I wonder if they give out freebees after so many visits?

Anyway, tonight's a rambling post.... partly because I'm tired and also due to the fact I feel that I have a whirlwind in my head.... so much going on, random stuff is just flying out.

I'm going to leave it there tonight....
I'll be back soon, more energised and ready for the next stage.....

until then, remember these wise words of wisdom.... never pat a burning dog!

keep smiling,
RAG x