Limbo

Twenty four days ago everything changed.

From going into the hospital for what should have been a simple exam check up, to where things are now, it feels like a lifetime ago in a world full of bad dreams.

What I would give to just wake up and find out this was just a bad dream, but the reality is that's not going to happen.

So my journey has begun, I've had scans, more scans, poking and prodding, and discovered that my university days at Otago Uni had prepped me well for having no shame when it comes to "public" nudity.... mind you its a whole new kettle of fish when its not 2am and your strutting your stuff after some support from some (now) bad 90's club music and a "dash" of Dutch courage. I guess getting my kit off now is just a new way to relive my student days (*insert snigger here), sadly the audience is slightly different, and I'm generally a lot more coherent.

This week, has introduced me to meeting my "current" oncologist, I say current, because I will be meeting many Dr's over the next wee while and they will all tag team to deliver "the plan" *insert dramatic ominous music here.

The title of todays instalment is Limbo, something I feel I'm currently in a state of. I met with the oncologist on yesterday, eagerly hoping he would have all my results and would give me a plan of attack, sadly this didn't happen.
Somewhere in the ether between the 150 meters of corridor between his office and the ultrasound unit are my results of my liver (having found 4 shadows on the MRI the following week, this needed to get checked out as to what they are.... personally I'm hoping they are the left over bits of the blue crayon I stuck up my nose when I was 6... sorry Mum I know you'll be proud of that).  

This now hold up the plan..... so until they come in, I'm in limbo. Back to the Dr's I go next week!

What I do know is that I will need radiotherapy, either pre or post Op to remove the mass in my bowel, so at least we can start setting up the prep for that - for the uninitiated this means getting measured up for the treatment by getting some tattoo marks on my back so that the machine can be lined up each time in the correct spot.... free ink!   (and no its not a tramp stamp!) sadly I don't think this will be on the same level of detail and craftsmanship as my current ink... but watch this space.

so its back to waiting for me.... something I don't do well at the best of times, to pass the time, I'll keep cracking inappropriate jokes and thinking of new ways to make this cancer suffer.


until next time.... keep watching this space for the next instalment from Radioactive Girl

Cycle therapy

Its 7am on a cold Sunday morning, not quite freezing, but its not tropical. Whilst most "sane" people stay cuddled up in their nice warm beds, I decided it was therapy time.

After a break of nearly 3 weeks from riding my bike (not eating and sleeping well plus a variety of fasting medical tests/ scans equates to a distinct lack of energy or time for the bike), I decided enough was enough and that I needed some mud/ cycle therapy.

What better way to do this than a cyclocross race.  (I suggest you google this if you don't know what Cyclocross is.... all I can say is its the best fun you can have on 2 wheels!)

Whilst most people (generally non cyclists)  think of cycling being about wining or losing, the truth is cycling is way deeper than that, its about the people, the friendships (I'm discovering I have some totally amazing friends out there), the fun and "getting out there and doing it".

Today was no different, despite having to drop the C bomb on a few unsuspecting friends whom I haven't had a chance to catch up with since my diagnosis. today was about being "normal" again, riding a bike, getting muddy, getting heckled and having some fun.

All of that was achieved. Did I feel better after... YES, will I do this again soon... YES

Its funny how a little bit of "normality" that you would usually take for granted, can be the best therapy.

The beginning

So I have cancer... yep, I said it. CANCER... the nasty C word.

I have designed this blog to be an outlet for my venting; my advice to others who find themselves in the same position; and a  place I can share my rather inappropriate sense of humour about the whole thing.
Hey, I have cancer, I have to be able to take control and own this before it controls and owns me.

So.... here is where my journey begins........

As of today, I'm still in limbo .... as this is still "new" - I only got my formal diagnosis this week!, no set treatment plan yet.... D day is next Wednesday.... so stay tuned, and watch this space.


over, but not out.... Radioactive girl (RAG)  x