I'm in mixed thoughts about the title of this post... whilst this year really has been pretty much overshadowed by the nightmare of the last 5 month, it has also been a year where had it not been for events in July, that this may have pretty much been one of my last, so in that sense I am rather grateful.
I am also grateful for this year giving me some perspective into many areas of my life... what is worth worrying about, what is worth fighting for and who my true supports and friends are.
On reflection, despite this year being generally described as "shitballs" I do have to admit there have been a lot of positives.
Hey, the biggest being that I'm here and at this point of time looking pretty good to being on the "cancer free track"!
Life has changed a lot this year, not just for me but for everyone close to me... Cancer has a way of involving everyone, from my other half whom has held my hand (shhhh I'm not sure if he has actually realised this is a form of PDA!) throughout this whole thing, made me laugh when I needed it, cooked for me, looked after me and most of all.... been there when I have needed him; through to my beautiful "Miss nearly 8" who plays food police ('are you allowed to eat this?'), gives me unconditional cuddles, makes me laugh and most recently has become Judith's "personal protection officer" ('Careful, you don't want to do that, you might pop your bag'... I'm not quite sure what she thinks will happen if it pops... or how it will pop... but either way its pretty cute); cancer has also affected my family, friends and my co-workers... all of whom have been dragged along for the ride and have all played a part in making life over the past 5 months bearable .
2015 is a new year, with it, it brings new challenges, unknowns and the opportunities to push myself. I feel lucky in a way that Cancer has given me the opportunity to assess my life, to figure out what I want and don't want in my life, what to fight really means and what living is really about.
While I'm pretty sure there was a more "less invasive" way to learn these lessons other than getting cancer... I cant change things so I'm just going to continue to go with the flow.... and whilst doing so making cancer suffer from me.
there is a lot I want to write about the new year, but since its New Years eve, I'm going to sing off tonight... and spend the night eating icecream!
have a safe and happy night everyone, make the most of it... even if it only involves sitting curled up with your other half eating icecream... make it meaningful for you... tonight will only happen once...
RAG x
Wednesday 31 December 2014
Wednesday 24 December 2014
Standing still
As I write this I'm sitting looking at our Christmas tree... today is Christmas eve day... I'm usually not a huge Christmas person, but this year is more of a personal one for me to celebrate.. I'm still here... and planning in being here for many many more, and thanks to modern medicine I will be.
I am one of the lucky ones, totally grateful for being given the opportunity to make the most of everything.
One thing I have discovered is that a lot of the cancer crap is about the luck of the draw... its often not about how much you fight the beast (or attempt to train the dog), sometimes things really just don't go to plan.... today I find myself thinking about two woman that I have followed their journey's(Natalie Murphy and Harriet Rowlands) ... both fighters in their own right, both strong and have left lasting impressions on many people, both sadly didn't make it.
Whilst I'm not one to make New Years Resolutions (wow I'm sounding like a real seasonal Grinch) I feel that by luck I have been given the opportunity to make the most of life.... and I plan on doing this... so watch out.. 2015 is the year of the comeback.
Right, its Christmas... lets step away from the serious stuff... as I've always said this blog is about getting out what's inside my head, I've currently got lots going on... both serious and the non.
I do promise not all posts will be as serious as the start of this one.
I'm now 7 weeks out from surgery... wow, how time flys when your having fun :-) Judith is still being Judith..... hmmm very much living up to her names sake (Judith Collins)... somewhat useful at times, but generally a big bag of shit (*disclaimer.... apologies if I have upset anyone's political beliefs or just insulted your Aunty etc etc.... if Judith is your Aunty etc, I'd love the opportunity to get a photo with her!).
I'm still none the wiser as to if I am getting round 2 of Chemo... I meet my oncologist on the 20th of January to find out.
And today is the day I am planning on jumping on (or should I say gently climbing on) Baldrick (my hardtail mountainbike) for the first time in about 10 weeks! I'm quite excited.... mind you I'm only planning on riding along the river trail, but that will be enough gnarl for now..... wooo hoo, living life in the fast lane!!!! bahahahahaha
Right I'm off to enjoy the sun while we still have it....
enjoy your day
RAG x x x x
I am one of the lucky ones, totally grateful for being given the opportunity to make the most of everything.
One thing I have discovered is that a lot of the cancer crap is about the luck of the draw... its often not about how much you fight the beast (or attempt to train the dog), sometimes things really just don't go to plan.... today I find myself thinking about two woman that I have followed their journey's(Natalie Murphy and Harriet Rowlands) ... both fighters in their own right, both strong and have left lasting impressions on many people, both sadly didn't make it.
Whilst I'm not one to make New Years Resolutions (wow I'm sounding like a real seasonal Grinch) I feel that by luck I have been given the opportunity to make the most of life.... and I plan on doing this... so watch out.. 2015 is the year of the comeback.
Right, its Christmas... lets step away from the serious stuff... as I've always said this blog is about getting out what's inside my head, I've currently got lots going on... both serious and the non.
I do promise not all posts will be as serious as the start of this one.
I'm now 7 weeks out from surgery... wow, how time flys when your having fun :-) Judith is still being Judith..... hmmm very much living up to her names sake (Judith Collins)... somewhat useful at times, but generally a big bag of shit (*disclaimer.... apologies if I have upset anyone's political beliefs or just insulted your Aunty etc etc.... if Judith is your Aunty etc, I'd love the opportunity to get a photo with her!).
I'm still none the wiser as to if I am getting round 2 of Chemo... I meet my oncologist on the 20th of January to find out.
And today is the day I am planning on jumping on (or should I say gently climbing on) Baldrick (my hardtail mountainbike) for the first time in about 10 weeks! I'm quite excited.... mind you I'm only planning on riding along the river trail, but that will be enough gnarl for now..... wooo hoo, living life in the fast lane!!!! bahahahahaha
Right I'm off to enjoy the sun while we still have it....
enjoy your day
RAG x x x x
Thursday 11 December 2014
Judith's hidden talent
So today whilst on a home visit for work, Judith decided that she was not getting any attention... thankfully she was rather subtle.....
Whilst sitting at the table with the family I was working with (whom have 2 VERY large dogs), I could hear Judith making little sounds (picture the sounds the dishwash bottle makes when you squeeze it when its running out), then all of a sudden she made a slightly louder high pitch noise.. which apparently sounded very interesting to the dogs whom jumped up from the other side of the room to investigate my interesting sounding stomach!!!!
End result..... me sitting at the table, with two fascinated VERY large dogs with their heads in my lap!!!
thank you Judith for disclosing your hidden talent (if anyone wants to hire her as a dog calling system, message me and I'll happily rent her out!)... I am very grateful the dogs didn't decide to go digging for treasure!!!!
RAG x
Whilst sitting at the table with the family I was working with (whom have 2 VERY large dogs), I could hear Judith making little sounds (picture the sounds the dishwash bottle makes when you squeeze it when its running out), then all of a sudden she made a slightly louder high pitch noise.. which apparently sounded very interesting to the dogs whom jumped up from the other side of the room to investigate my interesting sounding stomach!!!!
End result..... me sitting at the table, with two fascinated VERY large dogs with their heads in my lap!!!
thank you Judith for disclosing your hidden talent (if anyone wants to hire her as a dog calling system, message me and I'll happily rent her out!)... I am very grateful the dogs didn't decide to go digging for treasure!!!!
RAG x
Tuesday 9 December 2014
Sealed joins and good plumbing
I have to confess... I'm a bit excited after having had a scan today to check to see if the joins where my mass was removed are ok and not leaking.
Initial results indicate that the joins have sealed well, and that everything is working well and there are no leaks... YAY!!! this means that I'm 1 step closer to having my ileostomy reversed!!!!
I meet the surgeon again on Monday, so this is where I'm hoping to get my formal pathology results and hopefully some information about what the next steps are... chemo? reversal of the ileostomy? when I can get tested to see if I'm in remission!
Shit (excuse the pun!) that would be the best Christmas present ever... CANCER FREE!!!!
Its been a random and hectic few months.... while it feels like this whole process has taken forever I still have to remember that its actually only been a few months. This time last year I had no idea I had cancer.
Time has a way of being inconsistent... there are days when things go really fast and at other times I sit there thinking that tomorrow will never come.
What I don't like, is that I feel I cant do everything I want... I'm still not at 100% health, I cant exercise or do the same things as pre Chemo/ all other treatments, and at times I forget this. Like at the weekend I went to a housewarming party.... such a fun night!, unfortunately for me I really do turn into a pumpkin if not home at a certain hour... that hour apparently is anything after 8.30- 9pm!!! so 10.30pm rolls on and I'm tired and sore (My abdominals are still really weak from being sliced and diced). Keeping in mind I was only drinking water and a bit of grape juice so I really have no excuses for how I felt the next morning!
Fast forward to Sunday morning.... I seriously don't know who felt worse, my jaegermeister drinking friend (she was on fine form when we left) or me "little miss cheap date" ... I'm pretty sure I may have given her a close run for money!
I'm learning (if a bit slowly) to take things easier and not to push myself to do things that I would have done this time last year... its hard tho!
anyway... its onwards and upwards.. moving forward, one step at a time
Until next time
RAG (somewhat slowly learning, or just a slow learner!) x
Initial results indicate that the joins have sealed well, and that everything is working well and there are no leaks... YAY!!! this means that I'm 1 step closer to having my ileostomy reversed!!!!
I meet the surgeon again on Monday, so this is where I'm hoping to get my formal pathology results and hopefully some information about what the next steps are... chemo? reversal of the ileostomy? when I can get tested to see if I'm in remission!
Shit (excuse the pun!) that would be the best Christmas present ever... CANCER FREE!!!!
Its been a random and hectic few months.... while it feels like this whole process has taken forever I still have to remember that its actually only been a few months. This time last year I had no idea I had cancer.
Time has a way of being inconsistent... there are days when things go really fast and at other times I sit there thinking that tomorrow will never come.
What I don't like, is that I feel I cant do everything I want... I'm still not at 100% health, I cant exercise or do the same things as pre Chemo/ all other treatments, and at times I forget this. Like at the weekend I went to a housewarming party.... such a fun night!, unfortunately for me I really do turn into a pumpkin if not home at a certain hour... that hour apparently is anything after 8.30- 9pm!!! so 10.30pm rolls on and I'm tired and sore (My abdominals are still really weak from being sliced and diced). Keeping in mind I was only drinking water and a bit of grape juice so I really have no excuses for how I felt the next morning!
Fast forward to Sunday morning.... I seriously don't know who felt worse, my jaegermeister drinking friend (she was on fine form when we left) or me "little miss cheap date" ... I'm pretty sure I may have given her a close run for money!
I'm learning (if a bit slowly) to take things easier and not to push myself to do things that I would have done this time last year... its hard tho!
anyway... its onwards and upwards.. moving forward, one step at a time
Until next time
RAG (somewhat slowly learning, or just a slow learner!) x
Thursday 4 December 2014
The attention span of a nit
Yep, that sums me up in a nut shell at the moment... apparently this is one of the side effects of having had so much time under anaesthetic. This is my excuse for not being on here so much. To date this post has taken me 4 days to write. Usually I can crank out what I want to say almost as fast as I can talk... and for all those that know me that's pretty darn fast! its a really weird feeling not being able to do something that would usually come naturally. Due to this lack of concentration, I find myself flitting between pages on the internet, and random (at times totally mindless) TV programmes whilst trying to relax at night (committing to reading a book is near impossible at the moment).. its all rather disjointed.
So yesterday marked the 4 week mark since I had surgery. In that time I have returned to work (well 16hrs a week, so don't panic, I'm not churning out 40hr weeks).
Working has been good, tiring but good, its giving me a focus of "normality", and has made me bite the bullet and go out in public, Judith in tow.... so far so good... Judith has behaved in public (minus one rather large ballooning out incident when we were out to dinner with friends, luckily they didn't notice until I pointed it out and I had a laugh).
Today I facilitated my first meeting since having Judith, this has been something I have been a little worried about... what happens if she "farts" loudly (I've been lucky so far my stoma is somewhat quiet... it makes the odd gurgle noise - just like a grumbling empty stomach sound... but so far no dramatic farts) or worse decides to explode in true "cartoon car crashing and exploding in flames" fashion - minus the flames... replacing it with something else that's far less desirable! Mission completed... no farts, or explosions!
Judith and I are attempting to be friends (or at least get along somewhat).... I consider her to be like one of those random flatmates whom you really don't like, but they pay the rent and replace the toilet paper when needed (although they place the roll round the wrong way on the holder, just to piss you off), but generally you try and not get to know them too well as you think they are rather annoying and a bit "special, in a special kind of way".
So every now and then Judith and I actually start to get on.. well by that I mean she actually starts to work how she's supposed to, then without warning, she decides to do something that upsets the whole balance of everything (think: the toilet roll being round the wrong way)... this is when she decides to become "over active" - yes that means what you think that does, or then she decides to stop working, by becoming partially blocked.... oh the fun of it.... roll on eviction!!!!!
On a plus side, I'm getting more flexible in terms of my trunk/torso movements... and am making far less old lady sounds when I get in and out of chairs and bed etc. Still no abdominal control.... this is a weird concept as its changed my whole body shape, especially when I'm really tired and cant hold my abdominals and back muscles tight.
Fingers crossed I can start trying to re-build my poor sliced and diced abdominals soon.
Well all in all this week has been a positive and a good one, things are progressing, I'm healing and I'm getting closer to the day when I can say I'm cancer free.
Until next time this tired brain and body is going to rest up.
Take care and thank you for reading this.
RAG x
So yesterday marked the 4 week mark since I had surgery. In that time I have returned to work (well 16hrs a week, so don't panic, I'm not churning out 40hr weeks).
Working has been good, tiring but good, its giving me a focus of "normality", and has made me bite the bullet and go out in public, Judith in tow.... so far so good... Judith has behaved in public (minus one rather large ballooning out incident when we were out to dinner with friends, luckily they didn't notice until I pointed it out and I had a laugh).
Today I facilitated my first meeting since having Judith, this has been something I have been a little worried about... what happens if she "farts" loudly (I've been lucky so far my stoma is somewhat quiet... it makes the odd gurgle noise - just like a grumbling empty stomach sound... but so far no dramatic farts) or worse decides to explode in true "cartoon car crashing and exploding in flames" fashion - minus the flames... replacing it with something else that's far less desirable! Mission completed... no farts, or explosions!
Judith and I are attempting to be friends (or at least get along somewhat).... I consider her to be like one of those random flatmates whom you really don't like, but they pay the rent and replace the toilet paper when needed (although they place the roll round the wrong way on the holder, just to piss you off), but generally you try and not get to know them too well as you think they are rather annoying and a bit "special, in a special kind of way".
So every now and then Judith and I actually start to get on.. well by that I mean she actually starts to work how she's supposed to, then without warning, she decides to do something that upsets the whole balance of everything (think: the toilet roll being round the wrong way)... this is when she decides to become "over active" - yes that means what you think that does, or then she decides to stop working, by becoming partially blocked.... oh the fun of it.... roll on eviction!!!!!
On a plus side, I'm getting more flexible in terms of my trunk/torso movements... and am making far less old lady sounds when I get in and out of chairs and bed etc. Still no abdominal control.... this is a weird concept as its changed my whole body shape, especially when I'm really tired and cant hold my abdominals and back muscles tight.
Fingers crossed I can start trying to re-build my poor sliced and diced abdominals soon.
Well all in all this week has been a positive and a good one, things are progressing, I'm healing and I'm getting closer to the day when I can say I'm cancer free.
Until next time this tired brain and body is going to rest up.
Take care and thank you for reading this.
RAG x
Monday 24 November 2014
So far so good...
Today has been a good day...... a long day but a good day.
It all started with my first post op meeting with my surgeon..... here I found out that whilst the final report from the pathologists was not finalised, he had seen a preliminary which indicated that there was no sign of cancer in the lymph nodes and that the mass he had removed was contained
(plus it was a whole heap smaller than when initially discovered)..... Fricken awesome news. This means that the chemotherapy and radiotherapy were successful.... the dog was tamed! good dog for listening and behaving!
So whilst I still need to officially wait to hear the finalised report and then wait to see what the next step is (I may still need a final dose of Chemo, with the aim of catching any potential stray cancer cells that may be lurking around), I'm feeling pretty happy with where things are at right now.... its weird to think I could actually be cancer free right now... let just watch this space!
Also discussed at todays meeting was the eviction of Judith.... who is starting to out stay her welcome at times... especially tonight when she decided to play up (all I'm going to say is that leaking bags are not fun!). It is hoped that (depending on potential chemo) an eviction notice will be given to Judith in the next few weeks with her needing to leave sometime in January!!!! whoop whoop!
I had to have a giggle today... I ran into one of the Dr's that looked after me on the ward... his words "you look really different" -I take that its really good to know that I have two different distinct looks.... dressed in "work clothes" and looking somewhat respectable and then the "lounging round in bed PJ look", coupled with the "I'm about the throw up/ drug induced dribble face"... I'm now happy to know that there is a visible difference!
Today also marked my first day back at work.... this was successful (abet me getting very tired!), and I have to admit I enjoyed doing something that made me feel like I had a purpose.... recently my only purpose has been to weight the sofa down in case there was a gravity emergency!
well time to sign off... all the excitement of good news, first day at work and "emergency" bag changing affords bed....
night peoples....
RAG x
It all started with my first post op meeting with my surgeon..... here I found out that whilst the final report from the pathologists was not finalised, he had seen a preliminary which indicated that there was no sign of cancer in the lymph nodes and that the mass he had removed was contained
(plus it was a whole heap smaller than when initially discovered)..... Fricken awesome news. This means that the chemotherapy and radiotherapy were successful.... the dog was tamed! good dog for listening and behaving!
So whilst I still need to officially wait to hear the finalised report and then wait to see what the next step is (I may still need a final dose of Chemo, with the aim of catching any potential stray cancer cells that may be lurking around), I'm feeling pretty happy with where things are at right now.... its weird to think I could actually be cancer free right now... let just watch this space!
Also discussed at todays meeting was the eviction of Judith.... who is starting to out stay her welcome at times... especially tonight when she decided to play up (all I'm going to say is that leaking bags are not fun!). It is hoped that (depending on potential chemo) an eviction notice will be given to Judith in the next few weeks with her needing to leave sometime in January!!!! whoop whoop!
I had to have a giggle today... I ran into one of the Dr's that looked after me on the ward... his words "you look really different" -I take that its really good to know that I have two different distinct looks.... dressed in "work clothes" and looking somewhat respectable and then the "lounging round in bed PJ look", coupled with the "I'm about the throw up/ drug induced dribble face"... I'm now happy to know that there is a visible difference!
Today also marked my first day back at work.... this was successful (abet me getting very tired!), and I have to admit I enjoyed doing something that made me feel like I had a purpose.... recently my only purpose has been to weight the sofa down in case there was a gravity emergency!
well time to sign off... all the excitement of good news, first day at work and "emergency" bag changing affords bed....
night peoples....
RAG x
Friday 21 November 2014
There is no place like home
.JPG) |
| Not in Kansas anymore..... |
HOME... finally home!
So since my last update I have managed to get myself discharged home... I arrived home last Wednesday! Yay for home.
Apologies for this being a somewhat long post (and being a bit disjointed... a lot has happened since I went to hospital)... but it does include photos....
It really feels like a long couple of weeks, from getting admitted on the 4th through to finally getting out on good behaviour on the 12th the length of hospital stay varied from going very fast (I think I can thank a large quantity of IV morphine for a few days of incoherency.... quote the pain management nurse... "your a bit of a cheap date"... thanks I think), through to dragging and being very unimpressive, such as the day that we discovered that, me and tramadol are not good friends (I was rather gutted on this day.... after going through Chemo and Radio therapy without being physically sick.... Tarmadol did it... gutted... literally), and I have to admit I was pretty lucky to hold my single room right up until my last night, when I needed to move into a 4 bedded room due to an emergency coming in..... this taught me a lot..... my new room consisted of 3 other women, 2 of which were Ok roomies, one however gave me a whole new appreciation to how much crap (and a lot of wee on the floor!) some nurses have to put up with (hey she made me look like a model patient)... not a lot of sleep that night, but I was very appreciative to the lovely nurse who gave me the gift of ear plugs....
So on the 5th of November "Judith" was born - Judith is the name of my stoma.
.JPG)
The whole operation took just under 5 hours (give or take a few minutes), which means that I have a bit of a road to recovery ahead of me.
This journey started in hospital with me waking up to being hooked up to all sorts of tubes and machines (measuring input and out put, plus feeding me and giving me drugs... yep I turned into a human pin cushion in a very quick period of time... to be added to over the days I was in hospital with lines drying up and veins blocking, so new lines needing to be put in and viable veins found).
.JPG)
.JPG)
.JPG)
After the first couple of days I was finally allowed up... meet my new friend/ wheels ... the moving mandarin..... quick someone get an Occupational Therapist... I was given a zimmer frame (well it has 2 wheels so I will class it as a BLO - Bike Like Object)... thank you to my friends who turned up to bling it up (after they stopped laughing.... the fluffy dice and bell were pretty cool).
.JPG) |
| the moving mandarin.... I'm sure I'll get the QOM on strava for the laps of the ward with this baby! |
Being in hospital gives you a whole new appreciation for so many things.... your own bed and shower, how quiet your own house is (my room was right across from the Nurses station), how independent you are before going into hospital, and how good "real food is"... don't get me started on "the mystery meat!" .
.JPG) |
| No, this is not a road kill hamster... its actually pot roast! |
.JPG)
.JPG)
Throughout my stay, I have to admit I was blown away by the amount of visitors and well wishes I received... I have to say I have the coolest friends and family... you guys rock. From the friend that called in every day after work, my co-workers who txt and visited, the friends that came in and made me laugh so hard I thought I was about to physically split my stitches, the Facebook messages and phone txt, and emails, the people who brought me flowers and cards and my Minion mascot, right down to my Mum who sat every day keeping me company (must have sucked for her to have to see me sick and not being able to do much about it), my beautiful Miss 7.5 (whom developed quite a interest in all the medical stuff, watching drips and machines), and my other half whom snuck in each night before the end of visiting hours to hang out... every night became date night in the hospital!
.JPG)
.JPG)
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.JPG)
The support I have received from everyone (and this included the nurses and medical staff... its funny when you are wandering around the ward on your daily "walk" and one of the nurses calls you Radioactive girl) has been amazing.... its helped me so much with dealing with this part of my journey.
.JPG)
I'm going to finish up here, I'm still reflecting on what's has gone on over the past couple of week, and will write about it in time....
keep smiling,
until next time.
RAG x x x
Monday 10 November 2014
Day 6 at the HVDHB health and spa
Well, Wednesdays been and gone and hopefully with it my cancer!
Surgery went well and according to my Surgeon my mass was removed easily and it was very contained (good dog.... No digging holes or jumping fences, glad it paid attention to training school).
So now I'm still in hospital waiting to get the all clear to go home... It's looking like mid to late this week.
Am discovering it's very hard to blog on a phone, so I'm going to post a full run down once I get home.... So stay tuned
Thanks for everyone's support ... Your all amazing
Till next time
RAG x
Surgery went well and according to my Surgeon my mass was removed easily and it was very contained (good dog.... No digging holes or jumping fences, glad it paid attention to training school).
So now I'm still in hospital waiting to get the all clear to go home... It's looking like mid to late this week.
Am discovering it's very hard to blog on a phone, so I'm going to post a full run down once I get home.... So stay tuned
Thanks for everyone's support ... Your all amazing
Till next time
RAG x
Tuesday 4 November 2014
Ocean view room at the hotel and spa Hutt Valley DHB
So here I am, t minus 10 hours.
Today I checked into my home for the next 7 or so nights... Managed to score a single room which rocks.... Fingers crossed I keep it for my whole stay.
My room is facing the Wellington harbour, and yep I can actually see ships coming in at pencarrow heads, plus I'm hoping for a good view of the fireworks come Saturday.
Not sure what to write tonight.... I'm currently lying here trying not to think too much about tomorrow.. (Easier said than done)... But I'm trying to focus on the fact that tomorrow may be the day I become cancer free again. Distraction is the theme for the night, and I'm really grateful to four very special people for doing that... My Mum, my beautiful Miss 7, my amazing man (who also snuck back in after visiting hours finished) and someone whom I'm so honoured to call a really good friend, who just sat and talked and cracked jokes with and at me (what are friends for eh!) oh and she made me an awesome sign for my room.... Hoping to post a pic soon... For some reason I can't post it from my iPhone ( not the best tool for blogging... Hmmm actually I have no idea how to do it lol!).
Can't wait to be rid of this cancer... Fingers crossed this will happen tomorrow!
Untill the next update...
RAG x
Today I checked into my home for the next 7 or so nights... Managed to score a single room which rocks.... Fingers crossed I keep it for my whole stay.
My room is facing the Wellington harbour, and yep I can actually see ships coming in at pencarrow heads, plus I'm hoping for a good view of the fireworks come Saturday.
Not sure what to write tonight.... I'm currently lying here trying not to think too much about tomorrow.. (Easier said than done)... But I'm trying to focus on the fact that tomorrow may be the day I become cancer free again. Distraction is the theme for the night, and I'm really grateful to four very special people for doing that... My Mum, my beautiful Miss 7, my amazing man (who also snuck back in after visiting hours finished) and someone whom I'm so honoured to call a really good friend, who just sat and talked and cracked jokes with and at me (what are friends for eh!) oh and she made me an awesome sign for my room.... Hoping to post a pic soon... For some reason I can't post it from my iPhone ( not the best tool for blogging... Hmmm actually I have no idea how to do it lol!).
Can't wait to be rid of this cancer... Fingers crossed this will happen tomorrow!
Untill the next update...
RAG x
Thursday 30 October 2014
5 sleeps
woops, so my update from my visit with the stoma nurse wasn't quite "tomorrow".... 2 nights overdue isn't too long to wait for an update... my excuse....I'm on "cancer time" ;-) hey having cancer has to have some good points right...
anyway.... so I met with my stoma nurse on Tuesday (a Stoma nurse specialises in all things stoma... a stoma is the name of the "outlet"/ opening that redirects all your waste etc into the bag). She was a wealth of knowledge (and yes I asked her 101 questions), and made things feel kind of "normal" if you can ever call having your small intestine re-plumbed so it sticks out of your stomach.
during my meeting we looked at its placement (within reason you can have a bit of say as to where it will sit), so that I can ride my bike comfortably and that it "fits" ok with my body shape. The big test will be this weekend when I attach a sample bag to my skin and have a test ride of my bike and have a play with my clothes to see if its comfortable.
As I write this, time feels like it is very quickly ticking away... it is now only 5 more sleeps until I have to go into hospital... my first night in hospital will involve prepping for surgery, this will mean I will have to stop eating on Monday night... my last meal for what may be quite some time....It feels rather weird knowing that I have some knowledge about what is going to happen to me.... 4.5 hours in surgery, recovery, getting crammed filled with tubes and drips (everything going both in and out is carefully measured for several days), nill by mouth until my gut starts showing signs of working, and a swimming pool of water being IV'ed into me to make sure I don't dehydrate. For someone who's never had more than a local anaesthetic and a few stitches the whole concept of what is about to happen is more than daunting.
I guess what I take come comfort in is that this time next week it will be all over... I'll be into the next stage of my journey... hopefully fully cancer free.... after all that has happened in the last few months, I seriously can't wait for this to happen.... fuck off cancer, I have shit to do.
oh, before I sign off for the night.... I thought I'd give you an update from the side effects of the chemo... yep, 5 weeks post chemo and I'm still having side affects.... remember the red feet? well they are not sore anymore (yay), but they are weirdly shiny... picture Tom Cruise sliding across the floor with white socks and a shirt on.... except I don't need the socks and I can do this on carpet without trying! new party trick! adding to this my hands are still shiny at times as well... Chemo does weird shit to your body.
So I checked my feet today, and as well as being shiny, I now have large strips of skin coming off... stupid feet! I feel like some creature that sheds its skin.... crap I'm turning into a lizard! hmmm attractive ;-)
Right enough of crusty feet.... I'm off to brew a pot of greentea.
till next time... take care
RAG x
anyway.... so I met with my stoma nurse on Tuesday (a Stoma nurse specialises in all things stoma... a stoma is the name of the "outlet"/ opening that redirects all your waste etc into the bag). She was a wealth of knowledge (and yes I asked her 101 questions), and made things feel kind of "normal" if you can ever call having your small intestine re-plumbed so it sticks out of your stomach.
during my meeting we looked at its placement (within reason you can have a bit of say as to where it will sit), so that I can ride my bike comfortably and that it "fits" ok with my body shape. The big test will be this weekend when I attach a sample bag to my skin and have a test ride of my bike and have a play with my clothes to see if its comfortable.
As I write this, time feels like it is very quickly ticking away... it is now only 5 more sleeps until I have to go into hospital... my first night in hospital will involve prepping for surgery, this will mean I will have to stop eating on Monday night... my last meal for what may be quite some time....It feels rather weird knowing that I have some knowledge about what is going to happen to me.... 4.5 hours in surgery, recovery, getting crammed filled with tubes and drips (everything going both in and out is carefully measured for several days), nill by mouth until my gut starts showing signs of working, and a swimming pool of water being IV'ed into me to make sure I don't dehydrate. For someone who's never had more than a local anaesthetic and a few stitches the whole concept of what is about to happen is more than daunting.
I guess what I take come comfort in is that this time next week it will be all over... I'll be into the next stage of my journey... hopefully fully cancer free.... after all that has happened in the last few months, I seriously can't wait for this to happen.... fuck off cancer, I have shit to do.
oh, before I sign off for the night.... I thought I'd give you an update from the side effects of the chemo... yep, 5 weeks post chemo and I'm still having side affects.... remember the red feet? well they are not sore anymore (yay), but they are weirdly shiny... picture Tom Cruise sliding across the floor with white socks and a shirt on.... except I don't need the socks and I can do this on carpet without trying! new party trick! adding to this my hands are still shiny at times as well... Chemo does weird shit to your body.
So I checked my feet today, and as well as being shiny, I now have large strips of skin coming off... stupid feet! I feel like some creature that sheds its skin.... crap I'm turning into a lizard! hmmm attractive ;-)
Right enough of crusty feet.... I'm off to brew a pot of greentea.
till next time... take care
RAG x
Monday 27 October 2014
A touch of normal
It's been a busy but good week.... Tuesday was my Birthday, boy have I been spoilt... am I feeling the love by those around me (both near and far)? YES. If I can name one positive thing that has come about since I discovered I have cancer, is that I have really discovered who my real friends and Whanau are. These are the people who make you laugh, hug you when you need, include you in their life events such as involving you in their sporting events as I'm pretty much relegated to the bench at the moment, take you out shopping, spend time facebooking me, and most of all... just treat me like I'm me.
My Birthday sadly did involve me having to work during the day, but I did get to eat my Fish and Chips and although I may have peaked to early on the food front, I did manage a few teaspoons of ice cream and chocolate sauce at the end (better than nothing eh!).
My amazing other half went all out, and to top my day he brought me a new camera so that I have a new hobby to do over Summer that's a little more slow paced that trying to ride my bike everyday. I have to confess... I must be getting old.... it took me forever to work out how to set the time and date on the thing!!! I am very thankful to my sister-in-law who sat down and explained some of the bells and whistles on it!
Fast forward a few days... this weekend has been a long holiday weekend, so we decided to drive up the Island to New Plymouth to visit family. Its been a great weekend... busy but really nice and relaxing (although I have to admit I'm pretty tired) , from watching Miss 7 play with her cousins (especially watching the bond between her and her 2 and half year old cousin....talk about two peas in a pod!!! hmmm this could be trouble in a few years!), to sitting down and spending time with Miss 7's Grandparents and then spending the mornings and evenings with my Brother and Sister-in law its been a great weekend. So good that I even started to forget that in just over a week the next part of this journey begins.
This only really started to dawn on my during our rather slow drive back (Labour weekend traffic driving back to Wellington is horrible!).... tomorrow I meet with the stoma nurse to talk over what's going to happen and to find out the finer details of my Ileostomy... which I have a strong feeling will have a huge impact on my life for a while.... lets start writing my list of questions.....
I guess on a positive note, it does mean that I am one step closer to finally kicking this cancer in the butt once and for all.... I'm not really looking forward to tomorrow.... I know wisdom make you stronger, but it also gives me more "food for thought" to add to my ever increasing bank of stuff going through my head!
I guess I should start getting my big girl undies out... I think I'm going to be needing to put them on....
I'll report back tomorrow.....
Until then... I'm off to get some catch up sleep and to reflect on how cool this weekend has been.
take care
RAG x
My Birthday sadly did involve me having to work during the day, but I did get to eat my Fish and Chips and although I may have peaked to early on the food front, I did manage a few teaspoons of ice cream and chocolate sauce at the end (better than nothing eh!).
My amazing other half went all out, and to top my day he brought me a new camera so that I have a new hobby to do over Summer that's a little more slow paced that trying to ride my bike everyday. I have to confess... I must be getting old.... it took me forever to work out how to set the time and date on the thing!!! I am very thankful to my sister-in-law who sat down and explained some of the bells and whistles on it!
Fast forward a few days... this weekend has been a long holiday weekend, so we decided to drive up the Island to New Plymouth to visit family. Its been a great weekend... busy but really nice and relaxing (although I have to admit I'm pretty tired) , from watching Miss 7 play with her cousins (especially watching the bond between her and her 2 and half year old cousin....talk about two peas in a pod!!! hmmm this could be trouble in a few years!), to sitting down and spending time with Miss 7's Grandparents and then spending the mornings and evenings with my Brother and Sister-in law its been a great weekend. So good that I even started to forget that in just over a week the next part of this journey begins.
This only really started to dawn on my during our rather slow drive back (Labour weekend traffic driving back to Wellington is horrible!).... tomorrow I meet with the stoma nurse to talk over what's going to happen and to find out the finer details of my Ileostomy... which I have a strong feeling will have a huge impact on my life for a while.... lets start writing my list of questions.....
I guess on a positive note, it does mean that I am one step closer to finally kicking this cancer in the butt once and for all.... I'm not really looking forward to tomorrow.... I know wisdom make you stronger, but it also gives me more "food for thought" to add to my ever increasing bank of stuff going through my head!
I guess I should start getting my big girl undies out... I think I'm going to be needing to put them on....
I'll report back tomorrow.....
Until then... I'm off to get some catch up sleep and to reflect on how cool this weekend has been.
take care
RAG x
Monday 20 October 2014
Monday update
Well, today we met my Surgeon... and I now have a bit more of a plan.... well kinda.
The info so far.....
Things are moving, and I'm hoping I'm nearing the end of this by killing and getting rid of the cancer once and for all.
On a side note... tomorrows my birthday... 37 has always been my favourite number so lets hope its a good omen that things are on the up!!! Am also hoping I'm able to enjoy tomorrow by eating ice-cream.... fingers crossed for a nausea free day!
right time to sign off and clock in my last few hours left of being a young 36 ;-)
RAG x x x
The info so far.....
- The tumour has now shrunk (yay!... apparently its nearly half its original size... the radiotherapy did its job well... oh and its still shrinking!).
- My operation day is looking very much like the 5th of November.
- I will end up with a temporary Ileostomy (basically they are going to re plumb my intestines, with my small intestine being rerouted to the outside of my stomach... which means for a few months I will have a bag... sadly not Gucci, but its way better than the other option).
- I may or may not need another dose of Chemo... this will depend on the pathology results after the op.
- I will be the house guest of Hutt Hospital for about a week (give or take).
- Surgery will be open rather than laparoscopic (scars are cool eh!), and will take about 4 hours (sweet all I have to do is have a sleep).
Things are moving, and I'm hoping I'm nearing the end of this by killing and getting rid of the cancer once and for all.
On a side note... tomorrows my birthday... 37 has always been my favourite number so lets hope its a good omen that things are on the up!!! Am also hoping I'm able to enjoy tomorrow by eating ice-cream.... fingers crossed for a nausea free day!
right time to sign off and clock in my last few hours left of being a young 36 ;-)
RAG x x x
Saturday 18 October 2014
Slow but steady (ish)
I rode my bike today for the first time since getting banned when I was getting my chemo and Radiotherapy treatment.... bikes really are the best therapy.
5.7km to be exact (on the flat!) .... usually this it a very small number of km's in terms of me being out on a bike... today I felt like I was riding a 50km+ ride... it was hard work.... my body was really struggling and to be honest I nearly turned around at the 2km mark.
Its amazing how much my body has been hammered, despite being in the healing stage, I realised today I'm still along way from being at 100%.. I guess this will come (apparently with radiotherapy, the fatigue side affects can last for months after treatment stops). Until then I'm currently curled up on the sofa felling rather shattered and a little beaten up, but I'm smiling!!
I'm rather stoked at getting back on the bike... it feels normal! normal is good!
On another quick update.... I meet with the surgeon on Monday morning.....
signing off.....tired but content
RAG x
5.7km to be exact (on the flat!) .... usually this it a very small number of km's in terms of me being out on a bike... today I felt like I was riding a 50km+ ride... it was hard work.... my body was really struggling and to be honest I nearly turned around at the 2km mark.
Its amazing how much my body has been hammered, despite being in the healing stage, I realised today I'm still along way from being at 100%.. I guess this will come (apparently with radiotherapy, the fatigue side affects can last for months after treatment stops). Until then I'm currently curled up on the sofa felling rather shattered and a little beaten up, but I'm smiling!!
I'm rather stoked at getting back on the bike... it feels normal! normal is good!
On another quick update.... I meet with the surgeon on Monday morning.....
signing off.....tired but content
RAG x
Tuesday 14 October 2014
long time no hear.....
Its been a few days since my last post, which means I owe you a bit of a run down as to what's been happening since my last post....
A fair bit has happened since then and I've also rediscovered being in limbo again.
So since my last post I've been ticking along, the healing is going well, still not quite at 100% but I'm getting there.
I'm still really tired (one of the drags of having radiotherapy.... this could last for quite some time so I'm lead to believe)... nana naps rock.
I'm also starting to struggle with food, I'm actually feeling more uninterested in food now then when I was on the drugs and zapping... weird..... this treatment stuff does random stuff to your body. Mind you, I do realise its not just fluffy kittens, manis and pedis and chocolate treatment.... this stuff is brutal.
One of the other side affects of the radiotherapy has also started to kick in... unfortunately since the microwaving has occurred in my pelvic region it causes a thing called medically induced menopause by way of zapping all my hormones... yay for hot flushes! cancer sucks! Its kinda a weird situation to be in when you cant control what's happening to your body... one minute I'm normal temperature, the next its like a badly timed strip show with layers being flung off in all directions, shortly followed by me frantically running around trying to layer up again as I'm getting cold. ass some bad "Benny Hill" music (I'm showing my age now) and you have a great video clip... more comically sad than classy...
*** apologies for anyone that now has the Benny Hill song in their heads but here's a little top up....
Well I guess this is where I'm up to.... moving forward.... so onwards and upwards.....
RAG x
A fair bit has happened since then and I've also rediscovered being in limbo again.
So since my last post I've been ticking along, the healing is going well, still not quite at 100% but I'm getting there.
I'm still really tired (one of the drags of having radiotherapy.... this could last for quite some time so I'm lead to believe)... nana naps rock.
I'm also starting to struggle with food, I'm actually feeling more uninterested in food now then when I was on the drugs and zapping... weird..... this treatment stuff does random stuff to your body. Mind you, I do realise its not just fluffy kittens, manis and pedis and chocolate treatment.... this stuff is brutal.
One of the other side affects of the radiotherapy has also started to kick in... unfortunately since the microwaving has occurred in my pelvic region it causes a thing called medically induced menopause by way of zapping all my hormones... yay for hot flushes! cancer sucks! Its kinda a weird situation to be in when you cant control what's happening to your body... one minute I'm normal temperature, the next its like a badly timed strip show with layers being flung off in all directions, shortly followed by me frantically running around trying to layer up again as I'm getting cold. ass some bad "Benny Hill" music (I'm showing my age now) and you have a great video clip... more comically sad than classy...
*** apologies for anyone that now has the Benny Hill song in their heads but here's a little top up....
I'm also back to being in limbo again, as I am now waiting to hear when I get my operation to remove what is left of the cancerous mass.... for best results it is scheduled to be removed 6 weeks after radio and chemo stops... this works out some time in the next few weeks (I will have finished chemo/ radio a month ago on the 24th of this month).
Me being me, and needing to have some control and knowledge meant that I have spent the last few days frantically trying to find out when my op will be held... so far I have two pencilled in dates... October the 29th or November the 5th (think the only fireworks happening that night may be drug induced!)... I have discovered I have an appointment to meet my surgeon on the 20th of this month, so I should have a confirmed date then..... tick tick tick..... 5 days seems alive forever!
NB... Its about now I should confess that in my 36 years I have never spent a night in hospital (other than when I was born which doesn't count), or have had any surgery that has involved more that a local.... this is going to test my fear factor
Well I guess this is where I'm up to.... moving forward.... so onwards and upwards.....
RAG x
Friday 3 October 2014
Spice Girls, perms and wee drinking
I've been asked by a lot of people why I don't have my name on this blog or why I haven't announced it on Facebook (if its not in FB its not true.. isn't that the story).
people have aske is it because I'm embarrassed, or is it behacues I don't want people to find out.
To make things clear I'm not embarrassed, I've done a lot of embarrassing things in my life time... a perm, a replica spice girls metallic silver party dress (silver platform heels to match), several (hell I was a student in Dunedin) incidents involving alcohol fuelled awesomeness..... shit the list could go on. But one of these thngs is not identifying that I have cancer. I am not embarrassed I have cancer. Rectal cancer does not mean I have done anything wrong to get it... you cant catch cancer by doing something some "genius" has preached about, such as oral sex causes mouth cancer, underarm deodorant causes breast cancer or eating meat or unwashed non organic fruit will give you cancer.... with a high statistical rate you have a chance of getting cancer no matter what you do... so saying this I have to get it of my chest... I have not ever smoked cigarettes from my bum (well wouldn't that be the cause of rectal cancer? ;-)
I'm not ashamed I have cancer, I'm in a pretty big club of people..... I confess I am ashamed of admitting to have once had a perm and owned a spice girl dress!
I have a couple of reason for not making this public just yet.. I will in time.
Firstly I find telling people (and how they react) really stressful. Not everyone has been user friendly, I have told a few people and they have not replied to emails (I have a lot of friends who live overseas), or I've told people and the first thing out of their mouths is "when are you going to die?" or they burst into tears and I spend the next half an hour trying to make them feel better.... all of which is not helpful.
My second reason for not making this public is that I know that everyone has a cancer story, whether its your cousins gardeners dog walkers second wife's hairdresser, or its a close family member. Everyone's cancer and ways of managing it are different.
I'm happy for people to do what they need to do for them to get through but just like religion, I feel it is really important that people keep their thoughts and beliefs to themselves. I'm more than happy to talk about my decisions about treatment, but I don't what to hear that I'm making bad decisions from someone who doesn't have a health qualification. I'm doing what is right for me and my situation.
I don't want to offend anyone by telling them to fuck off, but being told that I should be humming Beetles songs whilst naked in the garden with a tinfoil cap on while drinking some random concoction of my own wee and fresh juices and ground dirt, is not helpful to my stress levels. Hence my lack of publically disclosing my current "health status".
I'm respectful to what everyone else's beliefs and values are that are right for them, so i'f like to receive the same respect for my choices.
Saying this I do plan of disclosing this blog to the wider world, and I will take the mask off RAG, but until I know what's happening and I have my next plan (surgery), I think my comfort levels are right where they are now.
so until next time, keep smiling at my embarrassment of impulse buying during the height of the Spice Girls...
RAG x
people have aske is it because I'm embarrassed, or is it behacues I don't want people to find out.
To make things clear I'm not embarrassed, I've done a lot of embarrassing things in my life time... a perm, a replica spice girls metallic silver party dress (silver platform heels to match), several (hell I was a student in Dunedin) incidents involving alcohol fuelled awesomeness..... shit the list could go on. But one of these thngs is not identifying that I have cancer. I am not embarrassed I have cancer. Rectal cancer does not mean I have done anything wrong to get it... you cant catch cancer by doing something some "genius" has preached about, such as oral sex causes mouth cancer, underarm deodorant causes breast cancer or eating meat or unwashed non organic fruit will give you cancer.... with a high statistical rate you have a chance of getting cancer no matter what you do... so saying this I have to get it of my chest... I have not ever smoked cigarettes from my bum (well wouldn't that be the cause of rectal cancer? ;-)
I'm not ashamed I have cancer, I'm in a pretty big club of people..... I confess I am ashamed of admitting to have once had a perm and owned a spice girl dress!
I have a couple of reason for not making this public just yet.. I will in time.
Firstly I find telling people (and how they react) really stressful. Not everyone has been user friendly, I have told a few people and they have not replied to emails (I have a lot of friends who live overseas), or I've told people and the first thing out of their mouths is "when are you going to die?" or they burst into tears and I spend the next half an hour trying to make them feel better.... all of which is not helpful.
My second reason for not making this public is that I know that everyone has a cancer story, whether its your cousins gardeners dog walkers second wife's hairdresser, or its a close family member. Everyone's cancer and ways of managing it are different.
I'm happy for people to do what they need to do for them to get through but just like religion, I feel it is really important that people keep their thoughts and beliefs to themselves. I'm more than happy to talk about my decisions about treatment, but I don't what to hear that I'm making bad decisions from someone who doesn't have a health qualification. I'm doing what is right for me and my situation.
I don't want to offend anyone by telling them to fuck off, but being told that I should be humming Beetles songs whilst naked in the garden with a tinfoil cap on while drinking some random concoction of my own wee and fresh juices and ground dirt, is not helpful to my stress levels. Hence my lack of publically disclosing my current "health status".
I'm respectful to what everyone else's beliefs and values are that are right for them, so i'f like to receive the same respect for my choices.
Saying this I do plan of disclosing this blog to the wider world, and I will take the mask off RAG, but until I know what's happening and I have my next plan (surgery), I think my comfort levels are right where they are now.
so until next time, keep smiling at my embarrassment of impulse buying during the height of the Spice Girls...
RAG x
Thursday 2 October 2014
Healing!
So as quickly as things started turning pear shaped, things have started to be on the up. YAY!!!!!!!!
From being at the stage 3 days ago that the hospital was looking at needing to do a blood transfusion due to the decreased "goodies" in my blood and an increase in losing the goodies due to the wounds I have, through to today where the skin looks 110% better (yep, maths is my strong point!) and I'm going to start decreasing my pain management tomorrow.
Don't get me wrong I'm still not 100% (far from it... I have some "interesting" internal burns and the cells are still stripping and dying off... this is called sloughing - FYI not as cute as the name sounds), but this is a biggie and its making all the difference to my mind set!
Its finally healing!!!!!
*happy dance (if a bit gingerly)
RAG x
From being at the stage 3 days ago that the hospital was looking at needing to do a blood transfusion due to the decreased "goodies" in my blood and an increase in losing the goodies due to the wounds I have, through to today where the skin looks 110% better (yep, maths is my strong point!) and I'm going to start decreasing my pain management tomorrow.
Don't get me wrong I'm still not 100% (far from it... I have some "interesting" internal burns and the cells are still stripping and dying off... this is called sloughing - FYI not as cute as the name sounds), but this is a biggie and its making all the difference to my mind set!
Its finally healing!!!!!
*happy dance (if a bit gingerly)
RAG x
Saturday 27 September 2014
All aboard... next stop.....
Well its been a bust few days, so I haven't been on here to update what's been happening....
On Wednesday I finally stopped my course of both Chemo and Radiotherapy - Yay.... one major milestone done.
Its funny how I've got into such a habit of traveling into town every day to get zapped that on my first day not having to drive in I felt I was missing something... no having to control my road rage with dumb drivers during my 40 minute commute to the hospital (I think I actually progressed past road rage to having full fledged Tourette's!) , or finding a park or walking past the giraffe .... yes there is a giraffe outside the hospital...... chocolate fish to anyone who can tell me where it is.
Cancer has a way of becoming a full time job - taking drugs, organising visits, going to treatments, picking up prescriptions, fending phone calls, applying creams, gels and other lotions to skin.... the list goes on, and this happens on a daily basis... on top of my usual job (yep.. I'm still working), and trying really hard to fit in such things as picking up Miss 7 to take her to swimming etc. I am sooo lucky I have a fantastic partner who (among other things... the list is huge) picks up all the other pieces, wrangling small child, shopping, cooking, coming to my "big" appointments and putting up with my melt downs ohhh and randomly buys me stunning jewellery.
So what have I been doing since Wednesday?... the big question may people keep asking me is if I'm feeling better... well, hate to break everyone's bubble by letting people know this, but sadly things are actually scheduled to get worse after the final treatment...and yep they have. The principle of the radiotherapy is that it keeps working and "building up" for a period of time after the actual doses stop. This means that for the next 10 or so days after the treatment stops I will continue to get side affects and they may (and will get worse).
This has meant that I have already been back to the hospital for a check up due to some of the side affects relating to my skin breaking down getting worse (and also getting an infection).... this has meant that I have had my pain relief upped (apologies to the poor person whom rang me this morning to be greeted by my best zombie impersonation), which has also meant a decrease in the amount I can work and drive etc. My side affects have also caused my mobility to greatly decrease (thank you hand-foot syndrome you can fuck off soon, you are no longer on my friends list!), and stupid skin breakdown.
.JPG)
On Wednesday I finally stopped my course of both Chemo and Radiotherapy - Yay.... one major milestone done.
.JPG) |
| hopefully my last every dose of Chemo! |
Cancer has a way of becoming a full time job - taking drugs, organising visits, going to treatments, picking up prescriptions, fending phone calls, applying creams, gels and other lotions to skin.... the list goes on, and this happens on a daily basis... on top of my usual job (yep.. I'm still working), and trying really hard to fit in such things as picking up Miss 7 to take her to swimming etc. I am sooo lucky I have a fantastic partner who (among other things... the list is huge) picks up all the other pieces, wrangling small child, shopping, cooking, coming to my "big" appointments and putting up with my melt downs ohhh and randomly buys me stunning jewellery.
So what have I been doing since Wednesday?... the big question may people keep asking me is if I'm feeling better... well, hate to break everyone's bubble by letting people know this, but sadly things are actually scheduled to get worse after the final treatment...and yep they have. The principle of the radiotherapy is that it keeps working and "building up" for a period of time after the actual doses stop. This means that for the next 10 or so days after the treatment stops I will continue to get side affects and they may (and will get worse).
This has meant that I have already been back to the hospital for a check up due to some of the side affects relating to my skin breaking down getting worse (and also getting an infection).... this has meant that I have had my pain relief upped (apologies to the poor person whom rang me this morning to be greeted by my best zombie impersonation), which has also meant a decrease in the amount I can work and drive etc. My side affects have also caused my mobility to greatly decrease (thank you hand-foot syndrome you can fuck off soon, you are no longer on my friends list!), and stupid skin breakdown.
.JPG) |
| Why does Morphine look like lollies???? |
.JPG) |
| there goes my hand modelling career |
.JPG) |
| Not the best photos but for reference my hands are usually normal in colour, currently both hands and feet are bright pink in colour.
|
I should also make it clear that despite this week having some all time lows, there have been some really good moments.....
- I won a 1 hour pamper session at a beauty salon in the city through a monthly draw at the Cancer Foundation.
- On Friday I went to the Look good Feel better workshop... wow this is a fantastic organisation that works with women whom have cancer. They provided trained volunteers that help pamper the women, by giving them make overs, and what's even cooler is that you get to take home all the make up you use! although I wasn't sure about going at first (not physically looking like I have cancer can make me feel rather uncomfortable around those who physically look unwell), I had a total blast, it was nice to feel normal again, in a room full of woman with cancer, not once did anyone mention being unwell, or being controlled by it... it was nice to be around others going through similar things and be just like everyone else.
- I FINALLY finished my chemo and Radiotherapy - that in itself is a major up!
- The longer I am off the chemo drugs the better my hands and feet are getting.
- Realising I am not alone..... although I am not feeling this way or have felt this way since my diagnosis as I have a fantastic group of people around me. It is really reassuring to know that no matter how bad my skin looks, or how gross the things my body is doing to itself look or sound, or how bad I am feeling (physically and emotionally) I have people around me that don't care about how I look, they haven't run a mile, or made excuses or have been frightened off.
I know things will get better, its a waiting game.... I don't know where my journey will take me and what stops I will need to make on the way, but what I do know is that I am learning such lessons about myself and those around me that wherever this journey ends up I will be making the most of what I have learnt... I will also be in forever awe of the friends and family I have that have been part of this journey... so all aboard this is going to be one adventurous road trip.......
till next time...
RAG x
Monday 22 September 2014
Two to go!!!!!!!
As of today I now only have 2 more radiotherapy treatments to go!!!!! Wednesday is my last day for chemo as well!!!! needless to day there will be a bit of a party on Wednedsay (ummm by party I mean a lot of cake and icecream being eaten! and maybe a nana nap).
MMMMMM nana naps..... my saviour.... I'm very quickly becoming a nap ninja (I'm proud to say I can actually sleep sitting bolt upright!). Over the last week I have noticed that I am needing to sleep more, and its funny my body is telling me this.... this I have to confess is the reason I haven't posted in the last week... I'm just going to say I was practicing my ninja skills :-)
I plan on updating you all more later in the week, until then I'm off to master my ninja skills....
take care
RAG x
MMMMMM nana naps..... my saviour.... I'm very quickly becoming a nap ninja (I'm proud to say I can actually sleep sitting bolt upright!). Over the last week I have noticed that I am needing to sleep more, and its funny my body is telling me this.... this I have to confess is the reason I haven't posted in the last week... I'm just going to say I was practicing my ninja skills :-)
I plan on updating you all more later in the week, until then I'm off to master my ninja skills....
take care
RAG x
Saturday 13 September 2014
"I'm sexy and I know it..."
".....When I walk in the spot (yeah), this is what I see (ok)
Everybody stops and they staring at me
I got passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it...
I'm sexy and I know it...."
I'd like to thank the band LMFAO for producing one of the most annoying and yet catchy tunes ever!
So about now I bet your wonder exactly how much drugs I'm on right now or how bad my Chemo brain has got as why I'm quoting bad song lyrics....
The answer my friends is related to an event that took place 12 months ago, and where I wish I was right now. Every year at this time, a hardy (and possibly mildly insane) group of mountain bikers take to the 6 and 12 hour Day Night Thriller event.
This event involves both solo riders and team riders riding a set loop for either 6 or 12 hours - trying to ride as for as long as you can in the hurt box.
For the past 2 years I have been one of them, choosing to ride for 6 hours as a solo. This year I was aiming to try my hand at the 12 hour solo. So where does "I'm sexy and I know it " come into this?
Well at the start of last years race (at the start of a very long 6 hours on a bike).. what song should be blasting at the start line... and remain firmly embedded in my brain for the entire race??? you guessed it! "wiggle wiggle"
Cancer sucks... so not only am I not sucking it up and riding in the hurt box (yep I'm a little insane by actually choosing to do this), but I'm not allowed to ride my bike at all at the moment.
A lack on bum on seat time is rather frustrating, especially since the weathers been so great recently... I am seriously on the countdown to getting back on the bike.... fingers crossed my skin heals fast after the Radiotherapy finishes!!!
With a lack of direct bike related activities I have been spending a fair bit of time looking at bike porn on the internet (FYI to all you non bike people reading this, this DOES NOT involve some weird sex thing with bikes.. its just about looking at cool bike stuff... like food porn but with wheels and helmets) and races to do for next year.
I've now set myself some goals.... Cancer sucks and its controlling so much of my life at the moment, so the goals I've set (watch this space they will be revealed in due course) take that control back...
Included in those goals is to do the 12 hour solo ride this time next year.... so roll on the pre race carb loading at Hells Pizza, and the post race victory/ recovery (Oh shit I just completed 12 hours) cheese cake on the finish line! better start dusting off those cowbells for the finish line.
watch this space people... cool things will be happening......
RAG x x x
Thursday 11 September 2014
Two weeks and counting!
In 2 weeks time I will have finally finished both my Chemo and Radio therapy. Weirdly a part of me is really excited about this, whilst another part of me is totally dreading this.
Excited, because it means that this part of the journey is coming to an end, and I can start to focus on getting back to health (my body is starting to take a bit of a real hit at the moment) before I get sliced and diced in early November.
Dreading..... because it means that the next two weeks (and 10 days after it) will involve all my side affects intensifying, and to be honest my current tolerance level of managing them is starting to breakdown as much as my skin is.
They say that the last two weeks are the worst, and I'm beginning to understand what they mean... there will be a party when I'm finally drug free!!!!
The one thing I can not complain about is the support I have been getting, from friends, my co-workers, my family and from the hospital. Every little thing helps (from the FB messages, emails, txt-its great coming out of getting zapped to find messages on my phone!, care parcels, smiles, cups of tea being made for me, coffee invites, offers of holiday homes, offers of babysitting, random/ sneaky rib grabs/ tickles at the supermarket -yes I knew this person really well... so this doesn't sound so creepy!), and means the world to me!
If your reading this you are one of these people.... thank you!
So as I sit here and think of whitty and profound things to write, all I can say is that if I can say one positive things about having cancer, it would be its made me realise who my real friends are.
Friend are those "cool kids" whom you want to hang out with and most of all they want to hang out with you!
thank you, my friends x
Excited, because it means that this part of the journey is coming to an end, and I can start to focus on getting back to health (my body is starting to take a bit of a real hit at the moment) before I get sliced and diced in early November.
Dreading..... because it means that the next two weeks (and 10 days after it) will involve all my side affects intensifying, and to be honest my current tolerance level of managing them is starting to breakdown as much as my skin is.
They say that the last two weeks are the worst, and I'm beginning to understand what they mean... there will be a party when I'm finally drug free!!!!
The one thing I can not complain about is the support I have been getting, from friends, my co-workers, my family and from the hospital. Every little thing helps (from the FB messages, emails, txt-its great coming out of getting zapped to find messages on my phone!, care parcels, smiles, cups of tea being made for me, coffee invites, offers of holiday homes, offers of babysitting, random/ sneaky rib grabs/ tickles at the supermarket -yes I knew this person really well... so this doesn't sound so creepy!), and means the world to me!
If your reading this you are one of these people.... thank you!
So as I sit here and think of whitty and profound things to write, all I can say is that if I can say one positive things about having cancer, it would be its made me realise who my real friends are.
Friend are those "cool kids" whom you want to hang out with and most of all they want to hang out with you!
thank you, my friends x
Thursday 4 September 2014
The double down effect
The aim of Chemotherapy is to kill
the cells in the body that divide rapidly (this is one of the characteristics
of most cancer cells)… yay for killing cancer cells, however the down side is
that it also kills good/ healthy cells – boo. Which means that despite doing an
awesome job of taming the dog so to speak, it also causes a variety of other side
effects that are less than desirable.
I have an amazing team of people looking after me... they all work so hard to keep me going and moving forward at a time where you could easily curl up and go back to bed.
Teams are only as fast as their slowest member... that would be me when it come to this team.... whilst I might be slowing down, the rest of my team is helping me push forward and I am more than grateful for that... while I might be slow, I am planning on putting in a stealth attack at the end....... watch this space!
take care peeps
RAG x x x
PS.... today is another milestone... I am now just over half way!!!!!
Radiotherapy is used to control cell
growth, it does this by damaging the DNA of the cancerous tissue, this is
pretty cool… die cancer die! The down side of this is that it can’t
discriminate between good tissue DNA and cancer tissue DNA (and sadly I’ve been
told this damage to my DNA will not give me X Men powers). Getting a ionizing radiation beam zapped onto
your body leads to a few other logistical issues… to get to my mass, I am
required to lie on my stomach so the beam can be aimed at my pelvis area. This means
that pretty much all my healthy organs/ tissues in that area are going to get a
solid microwaving. To try an spare normal tissues (such as skin or organs
which radiation must pass through to treat the tumor), the radiation beams are aimed from several
angles of exposure to intersect at the tumor (BINGO… found it!) which provides
a much larger absorbed dose there than in the surrounding
healthy tissue. Now it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to work out that despite
the precise lining up of the rays, there is going to be some collateral damage…
yet again yay for killing cancer, and boo for side affects.
Having a combination of both Chemo and Radio leads to the prospect of double side affects (about as much fun as the nutritional content of a double down burger).... some overlap, and others take on their own characteristics... oh the fun....
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Whilst I don't look sick*.... and some days I feel a bit of a fraud having cancer when I'm feeling so good, but then there are other days where I'm feeling bloody awful.... its not the mass that is painful or makes me sick, its the side effects that are the least pleasant part of this process.
**NB ~ despite what movies and the media want everyone to believe, not all people with cancer look like they are on their death beds 24/7
**NB ~ despite what movies and the media want everyone to believe, not all people with cancer look like they are on their death beds 24/7
lets list some of the potential side affects (of both Chemo and Radio)... I currently am only experiencing 8 out of 12 so far... let hope it stays that way.
- skin breakdown around the treatment area (splitting, general soreness... think sunburn crossed with paper cuts)
- hair loss (FYI I'm lucky, the treatment I'm on means I will keep the hair on my head and face.... any thing below the belly button is a goner).
- hand-foot syndrome
- tiredness
- V and D's
- nausea
- stomach pain (due to the radiation nuking the small / large intestines)
- early menopause (medically induced menopause is the formal term)
- dry/ gritty eyes
- changes in taste
- sore mouth
- decreased immune system
- the list can go on...
I have an amazing team of people looking after me... they all work so hard to keep me going and moving forward at a time where you could easily curl up and go back to bed.
Teams are only as fast as their slowest member... that would be me when it come to this team.... whilst I might be slowing down, the rest of my team is helping me push forward and I am more than grateful for that... while I might be slow, I am planning on putting in a stealth attack at the end....... watch this space!
take care peeps
RAG x x x
PS.... today is another milestone... I am now just over half way!!!!!
Tuesday 2 September 2014
Nobody sings songs about cancer of the anus
Todays blog title is brought to you by my beloved other half (if you haven't already guessed, we share a very similar disturbing sense of humour).
random fact time..... songs written about cancer, or feature the word cancer in the lyrics (the things you do when your bored (not that that happens much).
My chemical romance - Cancer Lyrics
NB... peeps this is a ripper of doom and gloom
Various artisits singing - Just stand up (to Cancer)
Get your pom poms out with this little ditty... there are several more like this... picture Live Aid styles but about lumps, bumps, chemo and hair loss
Randy Stonehill - Lung Cancer
As positive as it sounds, down to the description of the other health risks of smoking... RANDOM
Sufjan Stevens - Casimir Pulaski Day
Well up on the doom and gloom front
Nirvana - Heart Shaped box
debate is still going as to if the cancer reference is about actual cancer or actually about Courtney Love (either way being inflicted by either isn't fun).
So anyho, the point of my blog today.... well nothing really, just like a lot of things, there is no real point to it other than it just is.... but I bet you smiled about at least one things written there.
Smiling is good, it means there is light and life.... so often Cancer is seen as doom and gloom, I guess that is what sells movies, books and bad songs (leaving Nirvana out of that list tho).
I plan on changing this, well at least as much as I can, Cancer sucks, yep, it has the potential of not ending well for many people, stats for different people and different cancers vary, not everyone is the same. I do want people to know that not everyone with Cancer has a one way ticket.
One thing that has really changed my view of people with cancer (its very different being on the other side of the label) is that over the past couple of weeks of going in and out of the hospital and being around the Radiotherapy department, is that everyone smiles at one another. Its not that we are happy to be there, or that we are happy to have cancer, its about being there for each other, and that knowing that the other person is most likely feeling as shitty and crap as you are, that a smile (no matter how big or small) is one way they can acknowledge that your not alone.
Smiling is good..... do it more and often....
OK so enough randomly rambling for the night....
Night x
random fact time..... songs written about cancer, or feature the word cancer in the lyrics (the things you do when your bored (not that that happens much).
My chemical romance - Cancer Lyrics
NB... peeps this is a ripper of doom and gloom
Various artisits singing - Just stand up (to Cancer)
Get your pom poms out with this little ditty... there are several more like this... picture Live Aid styles but about lumps, bumps, chemo and hair loss
Randy Stonehill - Lung Cancer
As positive as it sounds, down to the description of the other health risks of smoking... RANDOM
Sufjan Stevens - Casimir Pulaski Day
Well up on the doom and gloom front
Nirvana - Heart Shaped box
debate is still going as to if the cancer reference is about actual cancer or actually about Courtney Love (either way being inflicted by either isn't fun).
So anyho, the point of my blog today.... well nothing really, just like a lot of things, there is no real point to it other than it just is.... but I bet you smiled about at least one things written there.
Smiling is good, it means there is light and life.... so often Cancer is seen as doom and gloom, I guess that is what sells movies, books and bad songs (leaving Nirvana out of that list tho).
I plan on changing this, well at least as much as I can, Cancer sucks, yep, it has the potential of not ending well for many people, stats for different people and different cancers vary, not everyone is the same. I do want people to know that not everyone with Cancer has a one way ticket.
One thing that has really changed my view of people with cancer (its very different being on the other side of the label) is that over the past couple of weeks of going in and out of the hospital and being around the Radiotherapy department, is that everyone smiles at one another. Its not that we are happy to be there, or that we are happy to have cancer, its about being there for each other, and that knowing that the other person is most likely feeling as shitty and crap as you are, that a smile (no matter how big or small) is one way they can acknowledge that your not alone.
Smiling is good..... do it more and often....
OK so enough randomly rambling for the night....
Night x
Friday 29 August 2014
Daffodil Day 2014
Did you know that one in 3 New Zealanders are affected by cancer in some way....
That stat is REALLY high.... its a good job that there are services such as the Cancer Society of New Zealand is there to lend a supporting hand.
Today is Daffodil Day - the Cancer Societies annual awareness and main fundraising event.
Whilst I have always supported this event, this year its brought home an even bigger reason to support it... I am 1 in 3!
This year I decided to wear my heart on my sleeve (or finger nails to be more accurate), and was joined by all members in our household..... Miss 7 was sporting a full set of bright yellow nails (plus matching loom band ring), Mr ummmm 40 (*cough something) decided on a simple and effective statement, one yellow finger nail on the middle finger as that's what cancer deserves (fuck you cancer), and myself one bright yellow nail on each hand (some brightness in the dark).
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That stat is REALLY high.... its a good job that there are services such as the Cancer Society of New Zealand is there to lend a supporting hand.
Today is Daffodil Day - the Cancer Societies annual awareness and main fundraising event.
Whilst I have always supported this event, this year its brought home an even bigger reason to support it... I am 1 in 3!
This year I decided to wear my heart on my sleeve (or finger nails to be more accurate), and was joined by all members in our household..... Miss 7 was sporting a full set of bright yellow nails (plus matching loom band ring), Mr ummmm 40 (*cough something) decided on a simple and effective statement, one yellow finger nail on the middle finger as that's what cancer deserves (fuck you cancer), and myself one bright yellow nail on each hand (some brightness in the dark).
Please support the Cancer Society (along with all the other cancer support services) they really do an amazing job....
Thursday 28 August 2014
Dog training 101
A few weeks ago when I was out at my GP, I was talking to her about having
started up my blog as a way of getting out what's in my head, she asked me if I
had come across a blog called "My experience of walking the
dog" by Harriet Rowland. I have to confess my initial thoughts were
"great just what I need" and "do I really want to read something
that's ended badly".
I think it must have been pretty apparent this was what I was thinking, as she very quickly reassured me that she thought I would actually enjoy reading it.
So that night with a bit of anxiety I started reading Harriet's first blog entry, quickly followed by her second and third.... it soon became very clear that (yet again) my GP was right (She's pretty on to it!).
So this post is about Harriet, and I hope I do her justice in my writing, not just in todays post but in continuing my blog.
For a young woman (one whom I have never met may I add), she has left a very large impression on me.
Exactly 3 years to the day Harriet wrote in her first blog post the following statement.....
"My family likes to call having cancer like having a dog because as long as it stays in its yard its ok, when it starts digging up the bushes in the neighbors... not sooo much”
Having read this, I found an automatic connection....
I first read this before I started my treatment, at that stage the dog had the potential to start digging bigger holes, and chasing cars...... I'm currently hoping the last 10 days have taught the dog some lessons..... Sitting and staying are what I'm currently working on.
Harriet' blog has changed things for me, and I have to confess I am in ore of her strength and insight. There is not much more to say really except that I really appreciate Harriet for teaching me about walking my own dog...
Harriet would have turned 21 this week, on her Birthday her book was launched.... http://www.scoop.co.nz/stories/CU1408/S00454/the-book-of-hat-goes-global.htm
Harriet's blog is:
http://myexperienceofwalkingthedog.blogspot.co.nz
RAG x
I think it must have been pretty apparent this was what I was thinking, as she very quickly reassured me that she thought I would actually enjoy reading it.
So that night with a bit of anxiety I started reading Harriet's first blog entry, quickly followed by her second and third.... it soon became very clear that (yet again) my GP was right (She's pretty on to it!).
So this post is about Harriet, and I hope I do her justice in my writing, not just in todays post but in continuing my blog.
For a young woman (one whom I have never met may I add), she has left a very large impression on me.
Exactly 3 years to the day Harriet wrote in her first blog post the following statement.....
"My family likes to call having cancer like having a dog because as long as it stays in its yard its ok, when it starts digging up the bushes in the neighbors... not sooo much”
Having read this, I found an automatic connection....
I first read this before I started my treatment, at that stage the dog had the potential to start digging bigger holes, and chasing cars...... I'm currently hoping the last 10 days have taught the dog some lessons..... Sitting and staying are what I'm currently working on.
Harriet' blog has changed things for me, and I have to confess I am in ore of her strength and insight. There is not much more to say really except that I really appreciate Harriet for teaching me about walking my own dog...
Harriet would have turned 21 this week, on her Birthday her book was launched.... http://www.scoop.co.nz/stories/CU1408/S00454/the-book-of-hat-goes-global.htm
Harriet's blog is:
http://myexperienceofwalkingthedog.blogspot.co.nz
RAG x
Monday 25 August 2014
One down, 5 to go....
I've just completed my first full week of Chemo and Radiotherapy... so far so good!
As small as this may seem, I feel like its a pretty big milestone in moving forward.
So much has happened over the past few weeks, from the very beginning till now, I've learnt a lot about myself, cancer, and how I have a truly amazing group of people I can call friends.
Having cancer changes a lot... its not just the day to day stuff like having to take pills twice a day or making daily trips into Wellington to get microwaved, its the things like acknowledging that life is now different.... plan B even (gone is our spontaneity to plan ahead a few weeks to go Mountain biking out of town; taking advantage of the really cheap flight to San Fran in Feb next year; or planning the start of a new job).
It changes the way you feel about yourself, as much as I would never have really considered myself as normal, I would now love to see my self as normal.. oh to be the vanilla ice cream option rather than the goody goody gumdrop type (weird chemical taste, semi radioactive colouring, with hard lumpy bits that get stuck in your teeth!).
Oh to have a cancer free life again, where I don't feel self-conscious about being sick (can people tell I'm sick???) or about what others think of me and my diagnosis (I've been told that most people hear the C word and automatically think that it equates to a death sentence).
Telling people is the hardest thing... and I have to confess I have put some people in the "too hard basket" in terms of telling them.... how do you tell one of your closet friends you have cancer when the are in the middle of the joys of having their first born? cancer sucks, it really does.
As I said at the start of todays post, I've learnt a lot in the past few weeks... here's some of the lessons I've learnt...
8. A full week of radiotherapy treatment is not enough to give you super powers, or make you glow in the dark .... I'd like better results after week 2 please, otherwise a refund would be good.
9. Friends are amazing, they are what keep you going. Its the little things, from people bending over backwards to offer help, those whom laugh at the situation as much as I do, to those whom treat you exactly the same as "before" , through to those who bring you home made vanilla essence to help me get back to "normal". I so appreciate every text, Facebook message and phone call. I have some of the most amazing people in my life.
10. (*warning* sappy moment) I really do have the best partner/ best friend in the world.... enough said.
11. Cancer really does suck, but it doesn't have to be a death sentence... cancers can be treated (sadly no one writes good cancer movies and books where the person survives... apparently that's not a money maker). Stats for cancer survivor rates are getting higher all the time. I do plan on dying.... in about 50 odd years so until then Fuck you cancer... I'll write a pretty good book at the end of this... watch this space.
until the next instalment..... (I promise more pics next time),
take care
RAG x
As small as this may seem, I feel like its a pretty big milestone in moving forward.
So much has happened over the past few weeks, from the very beginning till now, I've learnt a lot about myself, cancer, and how I have a truly amazing group of people I can call friends.
Having cancer changes a lot... its not just the day to day stuff like having to take pills twice a day or making daily trips into Wellington to get microwaved, its the things like acknowledging that life is now different.... plan B even (gone is our spontaneity to plan ahead a few weeks to go Mountain biking out of town; taking advantage of the really cheap flight to San Fran in Feb next year; or planning the start of a new job).
It changes the way you feel about yourself, as much as I would never have really considered myself as normal, I would now love to see my self as normal.. oh to be the vanilla ice cream option rather than the goody goody gumdrop type (weird chemical taste, semi radioactive colouring, with hard lumpy bits that get stuck in your teeth!).
Oh to have a cancer free life again, where I don't feel self-conscious about being sick (can people tell I'm sick???) or about what others think of me and my diagnosis (I've been told that most people hear the C word and automatically think that it equates to a death sentence).
Telling people is the hardest thing... and I have to confess I have put some people in the "too hard basket" in terms of telling them.... how do you tell one of your closet friends you have cancer when the are in the middle of the joys of having their first born? cancer sucks, it really does.
As I said at the start of todays post, I've learnt a lot in the past few weeks... here's some of the lessons I've learnt...
1.
Much to my disappointment, Isoscan will not make
you wee glow in the dark.
2.
Suppositories and having a coughing fit don’t go
well together.
3.
That apparently my signature is quote:
“impressive, its messier than mine, is that really your signature?” I consider
that a complement from a Doctor!
4.
It is possible to fall asleep in a MRI scan when
you’re in it for 50mins!
5.
When the radiographer starts to tell you able
the risks of radiation when about to have a MRI, and you reply… “what…. it’s
not like it’s going to give me cancer… you do realise why I’m here?” is one way
to floor someone… poor man lol!
6.
That despite the health profession/ sector in NZ
getting bad press for unhelpful staff, long wait lists and people generally
being unhappy with their care, I have come across nothing but really amazing
medical professionals that generally do go the extra mile to help. Something I
am really grateful for.
7.
When having an ultrasound, whilst being accompanied by my
partner, it pays to check that the sonographer has a sense of humour when you
both look at each other mid scan, hold hands and ask “is it a boy or a girl?”
until the next instalment..... (I promise more pics next time),
take care
RAG x
Tuesday 19 August 2014
Cook for 10 minutes on high
Meet my personal transformer... its more than meets the eye!
This is LA3
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This rather expensive machine (picture not much change from $5M!) with its cool laser lights and beeping things is where I will be spending time every Monday to Friday for the next 6 weeks.
The purpose of this machine is to (lay-mans terms) "Nuke / microwave my cancer bits" by killing the cells (both good and bad ones).
This is LA3
This rather expensive machine (picture not much change from $5M!) with its cool laser lights and beeping things is where I will be spending time every Monday to Friday for the next 6 weeks.
The purpose of this machine is to (lay-mans terms) "Nuke / microwave my cancer bits" by killing the cells (both good and bad ones).
 |
| I recon hidden inside LA3 is one of these ;-)
|
On a more serious note if your really interested as to how Radiotherapy works check this site out:
The whole process is painless, basically I rock in and the two radiotherapists set me up (think of a more medically minded dot to dot matching activity using my tattooed dots and a series of laser lines to make sure I'm in the right position), I work really hard at lying there ;-) get zapped then I'm free to go on my merry way... and then the whole things begins again the next day.
Monday 18 August 2014
Houston we have lift off
Today I achieved two firsts..... my first Radiotherapy session and my first Chemotherapy "session" (well pill popping session in the kitchen to be exact).
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Its a weird feeling knowing your actively doing something that effectively is not only killing off the cancerous cells, but also the healthy ones I need to live a healthy life. Effectively I'm in a balancing act of killing off the bad, and trying not to kill too much of the good.
Day one is done and dusted.... 6 weeks (minus 1 day) left to go!
short and sweet tonight...... night all, its been a LONG day.
RAG x
Its a weird feeling knowing your actively doing something that effectively is not only killing off the cancerous cells, but also the healthy ones I need to live a healthy life. Effectively I'm in a balancing act of killing off the bad, and trying not to kill too much of the good.
Day one is done and dusted.... 6 weeks (minus 1 day) left to go!
short and sweet tonight...... night all, its been a LONG day.
RAG x
Wednesday 13 August 2014
Plan A
I'm writing this with the theory that all things will go as planned and that the plan I got today will be "the plan". Fingers, toes, legs ... everything crossed.
So..... On Monday I will start a mixture of Chemotherapy and Radiotherapy with the aim of (layman's terms here) - Nuking the shit out of this thing so that it can be lobbed out in about 6 weeks after I stop the Chemo and Radio. Having looked at the dates for this, its looking like a quite Christmas period for me.
Having spoken to my latest Doctor today (a really lovely, funny and onto it Irish lady), I'm slightly wiser about Chemo (FYI: I now have a Dr over seeing my Radio therapy... the awesome man whom had me swearing and dancing on the phone the other day when he gave me the good Liver news. A Chemo Dr who over sees the Chemo drug side (the Irish Lady), and eventually a Surgeon assigned to me. Add to this, the Cancer coordination Nurse I have (no flies on her, she's on to it!); a cancer Nurse (for home support); support from the Cancer society; my fantastic GP (who was so onto it to start the ball rolling) and a newly added social worker to the mix... I'm very quickly gathering a team for total cancer domination - F you cancer!).
Anyway back to the drugs... its all about the drugs today.
There are several kinds of Chemo drugs, the one I am going to be given is in pill form, this means that I wont have to get hooked up to drips etc. each day. Apparently the drug I'm getting has less side effects, which one bonus will mean that I will be able to keep my scheduled hairdressers appointment next week! - the little things eh.
Today involved me getting my pre Chemo bloods taken, getting more reading material about the Drug I'll be getting and having a general chat about the plan. The best part is that I will start this on Monday! In 4 days time I will be starting my journey to kick this Cancers arse. It's kinda weird that I'm feeling so excited about starting a course of therapy that will not only kick this cancers arse but also has the potential to generally kick my arse too.
I get a feeling I will be getting rather used to seeing the following over the next few weeks:
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Today, like pretty much every day since I started this journey has produced some interesting lessons in life.
Todays lesson:
RAG x
So..... On Monday I will start a mixture of Chemotherapy and Radiotherapy with the aim of (layman's terms here) - Nuking the shit out of this thing so that it can be lobbed out in about 6 weeks after I stop the Chemo and Radio. Having looked at the dates for this, its looking like a quite Christmas period for me.
Having spoken to my latest Doctor today (a really lovely, funny and onto it Irish lady), I'm slightly wiser about Chemo (FYI: I now have a Dr over seeing my Radio therapy... the awesome man whom had me swearing and dancing on the phone the other day when he gave me the good Liver news. A Chemo Dr who over sees the Chemo drug side (the Irish Lady), and eventually a Surgeon assigned to me. Add to this, the Cancer coordination Nurse I have (no flies on her, she's on to it!); a cancer Nurse (for home support); support from the Cancer society; my fantastic GP (who was so onto it to start the ball rolling) and a newly added social worker to the mix... I'm very quickly gathering a team for total cancer domination - F you cancer!).
Anyway back to the drugs... its all about the drugs today.
There are several kinds of Chemo drugs, the one I am going to be given is in pill form, this means that I wont have to get hooked up to drips etc. each day. Apparently the drug I'm getting has less side effects, which one bonus will mean that I will be able to keep my scheduled hairdressers appointment next week! - the little things eh.
Today involved me getting my pre Chemo bloods taken, getting more reading material about the Drug I'll be getting and having a general chat about the plan. The best part is that I will start this on Monday! In 4 days time I will be starting my journey to kick this Cancers arse. It's kinda weird that I'm feeling so excited about starting a course of therapy that will not only kick this cancers arse but also has the potential to generally kick my arse too.
I get a feeling I will be getting rather used to seeing the following over the next few weeks:
Today, like pretty much every day since I started this journey has produced some interesting lessons in life.
Todays lesson:
- when anxious, nervous and having "stomach issues" due to such feelings... eating salmon cakes and poached eggs for lunch (right before seeing your Dr) is not the best thing you could do. FYI they stayed in and I didn't disgrace myself in the Dr's rubbish bin that I was eyeing up!
RAG x
Monday 11 August 2014
The things they do.....
Having cancer means your on a rollercoaster of ups and downs, apparently this is 'normal'. I read this in my "congratulations you have cancer pack" of books - its like the "how to guide" .. a sucky how to info pack.... makes the instruction booklet for the kitset shed look like a best seller!
Anyway after a weekend of feeling pretty good after Fridays news, today was a low day. I woke up with what felt like a cold.... not a good thing if your going to start Chemo in a few days! and generally I just felt like shite.
Fast foreword several hours to when my knight in shining armour comes home from work, does his usual routine of taking off his work clothes and getting into some jeans etc.... what greeted me today as he came up the stairs from the bedroom, made me smile.
When you have someone in your life that's willing to go the extra mile to make you smile (even though for his own comfort is compromised - along with several other things... he he he... in the process), you have to laugh and be thankful. x
Anyway after a weekend of feeling pretty good after Fridays news, today was a low day. I woke up with what felt like a cold.... not a good thing if your going to start Chemo in a few days! and generally I just felt like shite.
Fast foreword several hours to when my knight in shining armour comes home from work, does his usual routine of taking off his work clothes and getting into some jeans etc.... what greeted me today as he came up the stairs from the bedroom, made me smile.
When you have someone in your life that's willing to go the extra mile to make you smile (even though for his own comfort is compromised - along with several other things... he he he... in the process), you have to laugh and be thankful. x
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| Yes, these are my pink PJ pants! You have to love him :-) |
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