Yep, that sums me up in a nut shell at the moment... apparently this is one of the side effects of having had so much time under anaesthetic. This is my excuse for not being on here so much. To date this post has taken me 4 days to write. Usually I can crank out what I want to say almost as fast as I can talk... and for all those that know me that's pretty darn fast! its a really weird feeling not being able to do something that would usually come naturally. Due to this lack of concentration, I find myself flitting between pages on the internet, and random (at times totally mindless) TV programmes whilst trying to relax at night (committing to reading a book is near impossible at the moment).. its all rather disjointed.
So yesterday marked the 4 week mark since I had surgery. In that time I have returned to work (well 16hrs a week, so don't panic, I'm not churning out 40hr weeks).
Working has been good, tiring but good, its giving me a focus of "normality", and has made me bite the bullet and go out in public, Judith in tow.... so far so good... Judith has behaved in public (minus one rather large ballooning out incident when we were out to dinner with friends, luckily they didn't notice until I pointed it out and I had a laugh).
Today I facilitated my first meeting since having Judith, this has been something I have been a little worried about... what happens if she "farts" loudly (I've been lucky so far my stoma is somewhat quiet... it makes the odd gurgle noise - just like a grumbling empty stomach sound... but so far no dramatic farts) or worse decides to explode in true "cartoon car crashing and exploding in flames" fashion - minus the flames... replacing it with something else that's far less desirable! Mission completed... no farts, or explosions!
Judith and I are attempting to be friends (or at least get along somewhat).... I consider her to be like one of those random flatmates whom you really don't like, but they pay the rent and replace the toilet paper when needed (although they place the roll round the wrong way on the holder, just to piss you off), but generally you try and not get to know them too well as you think they are rather annoying and a bit "special, in a special kind of way".
So every now and then Judith and I actually start to get on.. well by that I mean she actually starts to work how she's supposed to, then without warning, she decides to do something that upsets the whole balance of everything (think: the toilet roll being round the wrong way)... this is when she decides to become "over active" - yes that means what you think that does, or then she decides to stop working, by becoming partially blocked.... oh the fun of it.... roll on eviction!!!!!
On a plus side, I'm getting more flexible in terms of my trunk/torso movements... and am making far less old lady sounds when I get in and out of chairs and bed etc. Still no abdominal control.... this is a weird concept as its changed my whole body shape, especially when I'm really tired and cant hold my abdominals and back muscles tight.
Fingers crossed I can start trying to re-build my poor sliced and diced abdominals soon.
Well all in all this week has been a positive and a good one, things are progressing, I'm healing and I'm getting closer to the day when I can say I'm cancer free.
Until next time this tired brain and body is going to rest up.
Take care and thank you for reading this.
RAG x
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