everyday we are faced with an infinite amount of choices.... red undies or green ones? tea or coffee? dress or pants? ipod or radio? matching socks or "shit, I'll just wear what I can find, and hope for the best"?
Todays topic is brought to you by the letter C.... C is for Choices, Cancer, Chemo and Chocolate four things that I know a lot about. For reference my favourite is chocolate!
Right .....back to the reason for this post.
I think I have posted before about control (ohhh another C word), and how cancer takes pretty much all control away from you, well this post follows on from that.
Choices.....
how many times in a day have you actually consciously thought about some of the most simplistic choices you can make? we generally go through our days not acknowledging how many choices we can actually freely make.... we choose the brand of cereal or bread we eat around such things as price, taste and flavour. Clothes are chosen based on several factors (what's clean, what's suitable for work, what makes your boobs look bigger or bum smaller), your choice of music in the car is based around many factors such as your mood, who's in the car with you, and how far your driving. These are all choices we make in the blink of an eye, we may think about them but often we take them for granted.
Now I realise this currently makes it look like I constantly analyse every small minute aspect of my life, trust me I don't, but recently its got me thinking....
Cancer changes your ability to freely make choices.... so you start valuing what choices you can actually make freely and mindfully.
Pre cancer I doubt I would have battered an eyelid about some of the somewhat mundane choices I would have made on a daily basis. Now I'm valuing what I can have choices in.... small things can make my day, it gives me some control back and I feel less like I'm being held captive by some invisible field.
Some choices I do get to make are based around long term goals, they may not be what others would choose, but for me I am choosing to plan ahead.... such as choosing to start what is called my "insurance" chemo. While I'm technically cancer free, I need to do another treatment schedule of chemo to make sure that any possible cells that may be lurking are killed off so they don't decided to make themselves comfortable in a few years time.
I'm choosing not to feel bad about my situation, its not the best and I have a feeling that the next 4.5-6 months are going to be hard, but I am choosing to focus on the fact I'm giving myself and my family life.
I will be making the most of the choices I can make... there are a lot of things I don't have a choice about, but I'm not going to dwell on that..... the big picture is the prize at the end and that is my focus.
So next time your needing to make a choice, big or small, savour it, and enjoy it... there are some people out there that are not able to freely make the choices they want, and whilst their choices may not actually be what you would choose, remember their choices may be the only viable option for them.
now back to the 4th C.... chocolate.... mmmmmm we are good friends... there is really actually no choice here.... just eat it and enjoy :-)
from one of my favourite movies......
Until next time RAG x x x
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